The Lady Likes It Orally

I think I said a while ago that all the things I love about oral sex deserve their own post. Well, I’ve decided to make do on that promise. Because oral sex is absolutely smashing, don’t ya know? And I think that people should have lots of it. It’s THAT good.

So, I’ve come up with a little mish-mash of things I’ve learned about oral sex. It’s from my own experience, but I thought I’d share because maybe you’ll learn something from it as well. Or maybe you won’t and will be left wondering why the cute lady said something cute about cute things like kittens.

As opposed to pussy.

Anyway. Here are some reasons why oral sex is better than sliced bread (well….).

  • It’s incredibly relaxing (if you’re in a comfortable position.)
  • The sight of your partner between your legs is never not a turn-on.
  • Despite people thinking it’s cliché, it really is good foreplay. It gets you in the right mood and, if done right, will drive you to the edge just about enough for you to want to jump your partner’s bones and ride them until you both giggle and come.
  • Sometimes it makes you kinda giggly. I don’t know why that happens, but I like to think it’s the sex-equivalent of being on a very bendy rollercoaster. And then eating a Mr. Whippy ice cream. And then watching Airplane!
  • Tongues, dude! They feel really good-like.
  • Similarly, mouths, dude!
  • The noises your partner makes.
  • The noises you make.
  • The intoxicating smell of your partner, pure and simple.
  • The taste of cock. The taste of come. The taste of yourself.

Look, what I’m trying to say is that oral sex, while not the be-all-end-all sexual experience, is pretty damn great. I like it. I hope you like it too. I encourage you to experiment with oral play, do it safely and just have tonnes of fun doing it. If you’re not sure about it, talk it over with your partner. Maybe also do a little research online?

Now here’s a GIF.

Tasty.

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by JillianBoyd on May 21, 2013  •  Permalink
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The Mood Swing Insomnia Express

As you may have noticed, I’ve been a bit neglectful of my blog. Actually, replace “a bit” with “I’m currently dusting off the cobwebs and oiling bits of screws” and you’re just about there. I’ve not disappeared, so you don’t have to worry (if you were worrying in the first place). I’ve just been having a lot of trouble keeping my head together.

Aside from writing odds and sods on here, I’ve been doing work for Dork Adore (which is a wonderful website and a joy to work for) and trying to look at things to do in the future. I’ve stalled on writing short stories in favour of slightly panicking about the amount of calls for submissions that I want to do but fear I can’t. Why I wouldn’t be able to, I don’t know.

I’ve also been having terrible mood swings and a succession of bad nights. Small fortunes that I have a partner who’s also an insomniac, so he knows what goes on.

In my good moments, I’m riddled with the horn. I fall asleep (or try to do so) thinking about how badly I want his cock inside me. How I’m going to surprise him when he gets home from work by lying on the bed naked and spread open. How we’re going to fuck in every corner of the house, or how we’re going to be really dirty and fuck outside.

And in my bad moments, I keep thinking about the past eleven months and how my mind, my heart and my body have coped with all the stuff happening in my life, stuff that I can’t talk about because it hurts too much.

But I’m getting there. Slowly. I think.

 

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by JillianBoyd on May 20, 2013  •  Permalink
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Unhealthy Habits Die Hardest

It was Sunday afternoon and as we stepped onto the pavement outside Camden Town tube station, I immediately became aware of two things.

One: Everyone in Camden operates in an entirely different head space than the people in the rest of London.

Two : MY HOLY GOD DOES IT EVER SMELL LIKE POT OVER THERE.

Now, I have to shamefully confess that (apart from a brief pass-by for some administrative mumbo-jumbo back in December) I had never been to Camden before. I was not prepared for this. At all.

But, undeterred by my gasps and shrieks of wonder, ILB lead me to a lovely vegan café looking out over Camden Lock. We were there to celebrate a birthday, and although I didn’t really know the person we were celebrating, I was curious about vegan food. I have a few health fanatics on my timeline on the Twitter and for weeks, I couldn’t really figure out whether kale crisps were a good thing or an abomination on to the Lord.

As we ordered our healthy food, I pondered what exactly was in a spanakopita. Was I basically condemning myself to eat something that would taste like soil?

Turns out, not at all. The spanakopita was actually quite nice. So was the hazelnut cake I ate afterwards. And the free samples of raw granola and (yes, indeedy) kale crisps.

I went away thinking that I could do this. I could eat healthy and I could live healthy and I’d have more stamina to do the things I like. Like sex. And sex.

The rest of our time spent in Camden was in parts amazing and overwhelming. He took me to a comic book shop, which I loved. Then we went around Camden Market and I discovered that nobody gives a toss about smoking weed in the open.

After a brief foray into CyberDog (ohmygod), I politely requested to go home because the fumes did more bad than good. Still, it made the crepe I had taste extra nice.

On the way home I swayed. And eventually, I ended up eating a huge bowl of pasta and cheese sauce. Because unhealthy habits die hardest, I guess. Still, I reckon I can be swayed for another visit to that café.

What can I say? Kale crisps are really nice…

 

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by JillianBoyd on May 16, 2013  •  Permalink
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The Way You Kill Me

There is a French idiom/euphemism for an orgasm that’s called La Petite Mort. It’s been interpreted to describe the post-orgasmic state of unconsciousness that some people experience after sexual activity. But you don’t need me to tell you that, because it’s widely known and I’m sure you’d have heard of it by now.

It’s a curious thing, really. Mort. Death.

I think I remember Remittance Girl talking about it at Eroticon. Something about experiencing a short and powerful “death” of the self as a separate individual at the height of pleasure.

I felt it. I feel it all again just thinking about last night.

It happened suddenly. From kissing to him on top of me. But it had been coming all day. Brief, playful bouts of flirtation and cuddling, saying “Oooh, you’re hard!” and all that.

And it lead to this.

It was fast and ferocious. *He* was fast and ferocious, jackhammering my pussy and fucking me absolutely senseless. For a moment, I thought I wouldn’t survive. That surely this amount of pleasure should be outlawed or at least bottled to sell on the mass market (because that shit would make millions, I tells ya) because OH MY GOD.

He didn’t show any sign of giving up. Again and again, we fucked, his moans becoming increasingly desperate and my breath more and more raspy. Until we finally had to call time.

I lay there afterwards, snuggled up in his arms, thinking about all the ways he kills me. All the ways he makes me live the little death.

And I’ve honestly never felt more alive.

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by JillianBoyd on May 10, 2013  •  Permalink
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Guest Post – Seaside Inspiration by Tilly Hunter

Gather round, kiddins! We’ve got a guest today, in the form of the lovely Tilly Hunter! Now, recently, Smut by the Sea Vol. 2 came out and apart from featuring my story Charmer, it also features one of Tilly’s stories. And Tilly is here today to tell you about how she got inspired to dabble in a touch of seaside smuttiness.

Tilly, if you will?

-

smutbythesea2med

 

First of all, I’d like to say a big thank you to Jillian for having me over here today to share my thoughts on coming up with new inspiration for stories.

It’s one of the things you wonder as a newbie writer: how do you keep thinking up new ideas for stories once you’ve been doing it for a few years. But once you start thinking like a writer, inspiration is everywhere. Once I start thinking about the seaside, I can’t stop thinking of the erotic possibilities.

You’ve got tides and storms that could leave people stranded on islands. Oh, how are these poor people going to pass the time until they can escape or be rescued? You’ve got the possibility of shenanigans in the sea itself, on the beach, in hidden coves, boats, beach huts, amusement arcades, under the pier… Ah yes, the pier. All those iron posts and bars, lots of places to tie up a boat… or a lover.

I love lighthouses. I once stayed in a cottage next to a lighthouse in south-west Scotland. It has this fabulous conservatory on the clifftop with views right across to the coast of Northern Ireland. And as dusk fell, you could see all the lighthouses start twinkling away across the Irish Sea. But right now my writer’s mind is thinking of just how phallic lighthouses are. And what about all those ornamental ones you can buy in seaside gift shops for your mantelpiece? Surely you wouldn’t use an ornamental lighthouse for anything of a sexual nature. Surely…

Have you ever lain down on a sheltered, grassy seaside bank full of sea pinks and buzzing bees? The sun warming your face but a light breeze stopping it getting too hot. What would that sun and breeze feel like on your naked body? Oh, hang on a minute, if you have ever lain on the sort of grassy bank I’m thinking of, you’ll know that type of seaside grass is damn prickly. Wouldn’t it just be maddeningly so on your bare back and butt? Until a lover’s weight ground your skin harder against it?

Oh well, that’s me off on one. If you want to see how me and fourteen other writers took that seaside theme and got carried away with it, grab a copy of Smut by the Sea vol 2 at All Romance, Amazon UK or Amazon.com.

—

Bio

Tilly Hunter is a British author and proofreader with a wicked imagination and a fondness for tales of fresh air and kinky fun. She has stories in anthologies from House of Erotica, Xcite Books and MLR Press and her first solo collection Miranda’s Tempest: Three Classic Tales with a Kinky Twist is out now from House of Erotica. She blogs at www.tillyhuntererotica.blogspot.com.

—

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by JillianBoyd on May 9, 2013  •  Permalink
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Masturbatory TMI Tuesday Carnival

I have no idea why I put the word “carnival” in my title. I might just be feeling festive, who knows?

Ehem.

May is, as you might know, Masturbation Month. Now, I haven’t done what some bloggers have done (yet) and gone and put up a post about this hallowed month, but while you’re waiting (no doubt on tenterhooks. Oh, who am I kidding?) I’ve gone all TMI Tuesday and, coincidentally, this week, it’s about masturbation. So there.

—-

1. My favorite place to masturbate is ________ ?

In bed. I know, I’m so boring. But honestly, I can’t really get the same amount of pleasure from a wank if I’m not lying down in a certain way. On the couch might also work, but I’m not in a position to flick my bean on the couch at any given time of day as there are Other People In This House. Surely the menace of any seasoned masturbator?

 

2. Have you ever masturbated in public? What were the circumstances?

Ah, no. I’d love to try, but I’m too much of a chicken to do so. Maybe some day, in the cinema. But on the condition that there’s not much of a crowd. And we’re not seated somewhere obvious. And it’s just the two of us. Ah fuck it.

 

3. Do you like mutual masturbation? Why?

*googly eyes* I LOVE IT! Mutual masturbation is the best discovery I’ve made since I started having sex. It’s an incredible way of sharing intimacy with your partner and learning about their body. And it’s fucking hot to boot.

 

4. When was the last time you masturbated?

Last time we had sex. Afterwards, he kneeled over me and wanked, while I wanked and watched. We came in rapid succession, which was awesome.

 

5. Have you ever masturbated on camera?

Oh. Wouldn’t you like to know…..

 

6. Do you like to watch people masturbate?

Yes! I love it! Sometimes I just ask him to masturbate for me, because it turns me on so immensely.

 

Bonus: Have you filmed yourself masturbating? Care to share that film via a link?

I have and no, I’m not going to unearth that link!

MasturbationMonthPoster

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by JillianBoyd on May 7, 2013  •  Permalink
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My Guide To Being A Sex Blogger

Sex blogging isn’t exactly the most glamorous way to spend time in your day. Although you do get to write about something that’s, let’s face it, freaking brilliant. I’ve been doing this for over two years now, and I’ve had my moments where I wanted to throw my laptop out of the window in fits of a rage wank against… well, whatever it was that was bothering me about the sex community at that time.

But I’ve learned some pretty useful lessons along the way. And although I’m not the most clued-up person in the world (really, if you’re looking for clued-up, you’ve veered right past that street and ended up in Dumbass Alley. You know it. It’s the dingy one behind the cinema.) I thought I’d share some things with you.

You know, for laughs.

My (Brief) Guide To Being A Sex Blogger

  1. Have a basic grasp of spelling and grammar rules. Especially when it comes to words relating to sex.
  2. If you’ve got a genius idea for a post, but it’s three o’clock in the morning and you need sleep because work, keep a notepad by your side. Preferably also a pen.
  3. Don’t go into sex blogging because you think it will get you free swag and a book deal. Chances are that you are not the next Brooke Magnanti or Zoe Margolis. And that’s perfectly okay.
  4. Read. Lots. Educate yourself.
  5. Have an open mind and bundles of interest.
  6. If you have an opinion about sex, share it. Don’t think about getting shot down. Just share.
  7. If you do get shot down, deal with it Don Lockwood-style. “Dignity. Always Dignity.”
  8. Your interests may differ from other people’s interests. That does not mean that they are less of a person than you are.
  9. Don’t be a douche.
  10. Try and mix up your posts. Don’t only write about how amazing your sex life is, but maybe post the occasional picture, or an erotic story, or an opinion or something funny. Variety and spice and that.
  11. Really, don’t be a douche. If your goal in blogging is to upset people and spread malice, then you can just fuck right off.
  12. Go your own way with things. Don’t copy other bloggers. Don’t try to be the next this or that. Be the first you. And the only you.
  13. James Dean and James Deen : not the same person. Remember this.
  14. Don’t use purple prose to describe whatever it is you’re describing. Just call it like it is. Call a penis a penis and a vagina a vagina.
  15. DON’T CALL IT BABY BATTER OR GRAMMAR CAT WILL EAT YOU.
  16. Use a layout for your blog that is easy to navigate, and a colour and font for your text that is easily legible.
  17. The community is what you make of it.
  18. Coffee (or tea) always helps with writing. This goes for any sort of writing, not just sex blogging.
  19. If you’ve got no comments on a post, it does not mean that your post is crap.
  20. Don’t be afraid. Nobody bites. Nobody will eat you for expressing yourself.
  21. If you’re still afraid, talk to another blogger first. Let them help you set up and let them take those first steps with you.
  22. Be ethical. Always.
  23. Do it because it makes you feel good. Do it because of a love for writing.
  24. If you disagree with something, disagree politely. And with your inside voice please.
  25. Sex is a beautiful thing. Respect that.

I’m sure there’s more but that’s what I could think of off the bat.

Also, if you don’t know who Grammar Cat is…

GRAMMAR CAT NOES WERE U RITE/

Grammar Cat courtesy of Cressida Downing.

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by JillianBoyd on May 6, 2013  •  Permalink
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Spring Sprung Fuckathon

‘Cause it’s the First of May, First of May
Outdoor fuckin’ starts today
So bring your favorite lady
or at least your favorite lay….

Jonathan Coulton – First Of May

You may have noticed something about the weather.

Or something about your calendar.

Or both, because they seem to be interlinked.

But indeed, as Mr Coulton puts it so elegantly, this week marked the first of May. And the outdoor fucking commenced. Now, I don’t know if anyone keeps to this mantra. I hadn’t even heard the song before ILB played it to me yesterday. But after seeing it quoted on my Twitter time line (many, many times), I thought I’d reflect on the change in weather, the change in season, and why summer is so damn awesome, yes, it is.

You may think of sunshine as an assault on the eye. You may associate summer with throngs of tourists, delays on the tube and smelly, rude commuters. But turn around that slightly darker view and you get all the positives.

You can shed off that massive coat!

There’s nature everywhere!

It’s hot!

Late night walks, barbecues, shagging with the sun shining on your face. It’s all adding a positive slant to the coming summer.

Especially for the shagging. Because nothing lends itself better to good weather than sex. Think about it. Seasons have an influence on your sex life, or so I have come to believe. Winter might decrease your libido because it’s cold and you’re perhaps thinking more about hot chocolate and seven warm duvets to wrap yourself in. And summer might increase your libido just because it’s such a free season. As I said before, no massive coats, clothes that allow for the sun to warm your bones and just the smell of nature in the air.

Of course not forgetting the flesh on show, the sweaty atmosphere and the general sexual tension in the air.

Really, am I making this up or is this something that actually happens to you guys as well? Does summer increase your libido somehow? Does the good weather make you hot for it?

And, most of all, will you be taking Jonathan Coulton’s advice and chancing it with a bit of outdoor fucking?

(I bet you are. You cheeky buggers.)

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by JillianBoyd on May 3, 2013  •  Permalink
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Spoon!

One of my preferred post-coital activities, other than greedily nomming down a Nutella sandwich, is spooning.

You’ve heard me moaning about how badly I wanted to be spooned last year, and now that I’m in a relationship with a man I love dearly, I can’t get enough of it. We do it every night, much to my joy. Not that we’re such rampant fuckers that we have sex every single night (but our sex drive seems to be increasing as the summer lurks) but we’re people of simple pleasures who like to enjoy spooning and shooting the shit about our day and assorted geeky stuff.

While, of course, being stark naked.

Because, let’s face it, most good things can be highly improved with nudity added to the mix. He tells me that he would often walk around naked if his parents weren’t around, and I’m miffed that we can’t really do that here. Unless of course by some divine miracle the entire household decides to go on holiday somewhere. Then it’s Naked City, population two.

She looks well game. Him, not so much.

She looks well game. Him, not so much.

Ehem. Back to spooning. In an intimate context, it can be one of two things : either an intimate embrace in which one person is backed against another or the spoons sex position, which is basically the same except you’re fucking.

(Quick fact for you. When the smaller person in the couple (which in our case would be me) is being the big spoon, you are “jetpacking”.)

As I’ve said, we spoon every night, but we’ve never tried spoon fucking before. Not that I haven’t been tempted to ask him, but I’m struggling to see how it would work logistically. How would he place himself? How far would I have to spread my legs? And so on and on. I mean, I like the idea of fucking whilst being so close together, but I’m also keen on kissing and looking into his eyes during the sex. I need visual stimulation and that’s exactly what this lacks. Admittedly, the notion of it being a prime G-spot-hitting position appeals to me, but only so much.

 

I think we’ll just keep it at naked, snuggly spooning for now.

Although I am open to other positions…

 

 

 

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by JillianBoyd on April 29, 2013  •  Permalink
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I Wish For Meme

I’m playing Sunday Stealing this week, because I can and because I have other pressing matters to attend to. Expect full service to return somewhere next week! (I know I keep promising that, but I actually do promise it now. No, honest.)

Anyway… the meme of the week is the Three Wishes meme. Let’s play, shall we? And you might find out a little more about me.

—

1.) What are 3 things on your wish list and why?   

  • Enough money to provide for rent, food and fun stuff, because reasons.
  • A new iPod, because I lost mine moving from Brent to North London and I miss it so.
  • A nice pair of shoes, because everything else gives me blisters.

2.) What do you miss about your childhood?  

I had a pretty miserable childhood, but I do miss dance classes. They were the making of me, now that I think of it.

3.) What do you do on your spare time on the weekends?  

Cinema, television, mucking about on the computer.

4.) What do you appreciate most in your life?  

My partner, my friends, my mum. The chances I’ve been given.

5.) Would you rather be rich or healthy?  

Healthy, but with some sum of money to get us through.

6.) If you could go back in time would you and why?  

Nah. Unless, of course, a floppy young gentleman in a bow tie and fez offers me….

7.) Favourite game as a child?  

Monopoly.

8.) What is your dream career?  

My dream career is as a novelist. I’d like to write in a few different genres, apart from erotic fiction.

9.) What do you do in your free time?  

Masturbate furiously.

Ehem.

10.) Favourite clothing stores?  

I’m a total sucker for New Look and H&M. I can do Next at a stretch, if my budget allows it.

11.) What TV shows can’t you live without?  

Doctor Who, Sherlock, Red Dwarf, Community, Russell Howard’s Good News, Have I Got News For You.

12.) 3 things you need in your life are:  

  • Sleep,
  • Coffee,
  • Books.

13.) What can’t you sleep without?  

ILB ♥

14.) What are you currently a nerd for?  

First of all, I am a GEEK. There is a difference, love.

Second, too much to list here.

15.) What is your favourite seasoning?  

Chives.

16.) What is your favourite wild animal?  

Owl.

17.) Name 3 of your favourite childhood shows:  

  • Power Rangers
  • Pokemon
  • Sabrina The Teenage Witch.

18.) If you could live as a character in a film who would it be?  

Shaun’s girlfriend in Shaun of the Dead. Kick-ass zombie hunting and the likes.

19.) Favourite vegetable?  

Spinach.

20.) Favourite Fruit?  

Pear.

21.) If you had a dragon what would you name it?  

Smirkenorff. ;-)

22.) What do you put on hotdogs?  

Mustard and ketchup, like a boss.

23.) Do you play online games?  

Not really, no.

24.) What’s your favourite way to get inspired?  

Reading books, going out and taking pictures, talking to other people.

25.) Do you have a middle name?

Yes. My middle name is Fabulous.

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by JillianBoyd on April 28, 2013  •  Permalink
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