I was milling about on Twitter (as is my wont) the other day when I came across this article. I’ve never really put much thought into the matters of being vocal in bed, but for you, my dear reader, I shall. Because you know, this stuff is interesting and all that.
I’ve not been blessed when it comes to matters of privacy. In fact, if you remember, I only moved out of my parents’ house in the middle of last year. And still, I wasn’t exactly in the right situation to have loud and proud sex, having shared a flat and a house (with ten other people, this). It wasn’t until I read the aforementioned article that I considered the fact that loud sex may be of order in this new place. But only at certain times, considering we’re still sharing a place.
When it comes to being vocal in bed, I’m probably one of those people who doesn’t see loud moans and cries of ecstasy as a sign of Doing it Right. I haven’t decided on the matter though.
But I must say that I do get immense joy from hearing my partner’s moans and groans and hitched breaths. Sounds are impossibly sexy, and as Barbara Carrellas says (in her book Luxurious Loving) they an inseparable part of sex. “When you close your eyes, you are making love in your own personal erotic soundscape.”
I think that’s a very decent way of putting it. Dirty talking, moans, little whispers…. they all make up said erotic soundscape. You can close your eyes and hear sex. And what is sex if not a good soundtrack to life?
Barbara suggests using sound mindfully to build the erotic charge between you and your partner, even to a point of having a “soundgasm”. The idea of a soundgasm interests me. To me (if I understand correctly) it basically is really getting into the sounds you’re making, letting them reverberate throughout your body until you start feeling different (light-headed, giddy, almost orgasmic, hence soundgasm).
It’s an intriguing thought, and I’ll be looking into the many kinds of -gasms in the coming weeks, for sure.
Anyways. My conclusion (because there is one). Don’t let your partner’s vocal habits in bed be a barometer for how well you’re doing. If they aren’t into making noise, they aren’t into making noise. Simple as.