London Winning

This is my condensed and G-rated version of the events that took place in London, handily condensed into sizable chunks (and ribbed) for your pleasure!

Arrived Thursday. I bought some books, and Spartacus: Blood and Sand on dvd, which I am totally binging on later tonight. I feel kind of bad for perving on Andy Whitfield, but I really like him and it’s a fucking shame that his life was taken away from him so early. He could have been massive.

Spent a whole lot of time alone, wondering why the fuck I was alone. Eating alone and dredging through rainsoaked streets is not the most fun thing to do (especially when the only shoes that still fit you are SANDALS).

I was very happy for Friday to arrive, because @Nataliel93 came to visit me! We walked from my hotel in Euston to Soho and had an awesome time chatting and drinking and wondering where we were going. We also went to a sex shop called Harmony on Oxford Street, and bloody hell, I want to work there. That store beats the shit out of everything in Belgium.

After lovely Nat left, it was time to get ready for Erotic Meet. And a whole load of stuff happened there. It started very innocently, with greetings and fun times, and ended with me arriving in my hotel room at 5 am the next morning, bleary eyed, kissed and dizzily happy. I’ve never felt better in my entire life.

On Saturday, I took a taxi to @AnniePlayer’s place, which cost me 30 fucking quid. Whatever.

She had organised a writers workshop, with pancakes, made by @SmutMuppet (who I totally forgot to thank for the pancakes because they were lush). We spent loads of time chatting and writing. It was only marred slightly by my mini-breakdown in Annie’s garden, which @DomSigns took care of. My grand old thanks go out to him for giving the best backrub in the world and the very kind words.

After the workshop, I tubed it back to Euston, went grocery shopping (although 3 packs of McCoy’s Flame Grilled Steak crisps and too much Coke Zero doesn’t shout Proper Grocery Shopping to me) and vegged it out on my bed, watching The X Factor. That’s right, I went there. I cheated on Strictly with X Factor. And do you know what? The X Factor was better in bed than Strictly ūüėČ (I know there’s a lot of tabloid/internet crap going on about these shows, but for me it was just a breath of fresh air watching something that didn’t end with Len Goodman shouting something about¬†pickling his¬†testicles “Walnuts”.

Sunday came round and I had a proper breakfast, went to Harmony and got the best customer service ever, and trotted around Oxford Street with an Anna Span porno in my bag. (IIIIIII LOVE TO GO A’WONDERING WITH SOME PORNO IN MY BAG!!!! FALDEREEEEEE FALDERAAAA!!!)

Then, I cabbed it to St Pancras and spent a few hours sitting on a terrace, overlooking the Eurostar pulling out, writing some stuff down for posterity.

My journey ended on a high, as I found not only¬†a stuffed Moomin, but The¬†Rocky Horror Picture Show and Michael Palin’s Python Diaries at Foyles. Spending time with a Palin book is like spending time with Michael himself. Which, to be honest, I would give my house up for.

So endeth my seventeen-billionth time in London. I’ll tell you one thing. I’m so going back for more of that.

Lastly, I’d love to thank @SexToysUK for donating the frankly kick-arse prize I won during the raffle. That’s right. I won the fucking strap-on. Fear me. I has amazing raffle-winning powers.


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  1. I should go to London a lot more often. I’m going for Erotica but the train times we booked are really tight so we won’t have time for anything but the show. I should go browse more and try and be there when you’re gonna be around sometime so I can say hi!

    Of course, there’s still The Bath Plan, when we all make some plans for that so that works.

    Can’t believe you won a strap-on! So jealous! (I have one but I have to throw it out because it’s jelly and burns me and is horrible. And there’s not much point me actually buying one because I probably wouldn’t really get to use it) Which one is it? Congrats!

    • Yeah, we do have to meet some time!

      I don’t think I should be a part of the Bath Plan, which I will gladly explain on MSN for you, if you like.

      The Bend Over Boy(d)friend by Toy Joy. It’s strapless! Yay! (I do think it’s jelly, so I’m quite scared to use it….)


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