Of Jiggling Jugs and Dark Horses

So, I mentioned going back to Erotic Meet. And I did.

After trotting though Soho the entire day, I made it to The Green Carnation in one piece. I wanted to make a grand entrance by spooking @AnniePlayer, but of course, a tank of helium decided to fuck it up for me.

I made it there quite early, so I had the pleasure of seeing Ben Is A Dark Horse and Rubyyy Jones doing their soundchecks. Judging from the tiny snippets I overheard, I knew that the gig was going to be brilliant.

A massive amount of people arrived, some of who I recognised, some who I didn’t. I gave Mz  B my (incredibly profeshunal, yes it was) business card, said hello to Shalla and Liz N. Spire and their amazing breasts of awesome and got to chatting with a guy in a fishnet top. He later demonstrated bondage on my arm. As you do.

I was later roped in to volunteering and together with the wonderful Meg Philip, I handed out Rubyyy’s famous Cuntcakes (quoted to be “genius”, by Mr John Yossarian). Later, I helped a very naked (and very bare down there) Mz B off stage, after she sang a cover of All that Jazz, entitled “All That Jizz”, and got naked and covered herself in whipped cream, in lieu of actual jizz.

Ben Is A Dark Horse did not get naked during his performance. What he did do, is make me into a crying mess with his incredibly soulful voice. I should probably not tell him that I accidentally saw his cock later on.

I seem to have forgotten Rubyyy herself! She opened the show with her award piece “I Wanna Be”, and I would actually kill to get her voice, because it is the sweetest, most innocent thing I’ve ever heard. That she basically sang “I wanna be fucked by you” makes it even better. She later debuted her Bukkake Balloon Popping piece and made me realise that she is truly the queen of everything and that we should all bow to her feet.

Due to an unfortunate double booking, we ended up downstairs, where I had a good chat with @DomSigns and finally met @SmutMuppet, which was one of the highlights of my night.

Of course, I won something in the raffle. I seem to always do. What did I win, exactly? A fucking monster of a purple strap on. I bet the dude at Customs loved that yesterday.

From here, everything went a bit blurred. It ended with me stumbling through the maze of hallway to my room, content with my life at last.

Thank you to Annie, for hosting this event. To Sex Toys UK for my prize. To Mz B for accepting my shitty business card. To everyone and anyone who I chatted with. And lastly, to Molly, Signs, Elenya and Smutty for keeping me company.

And Josh Brandon. For well-known reasons.

Rest assured, I will be back, hopefully in January!

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  1. Hopefully I’ll be there in January, too. It sounds awesome!


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