After a couple of hours, it has fully sunk in that dad has Alzheimer. The doctor broke the news to him, and he came back in floods of tears, upset because he was now disallowed to do the one thing that kept him going, which was driving.

I went upstairs, for some time with myself (in this case, it was not spend with self-love) and had a cry about it.

But it seemed I took a lesson to heed from one of my own works of short fiction. “Bow”, the story about a woman who asks a friend to make her smile again after she has a miscarriage, taught me about smiling in the face of adversity.

So, I did. I went to look up Steps Reunion on YouTube and watched it all in one sitting.

And it made me smile. It’s a wonky smile, as it is a hard show to watch (being a former fan and that), but it’s there.

And, of course, all my friends posting lovely messages of support helped.

Thank you. For everything.

I had time to reflect on the 20 years, 11 months and 29 days (give or take) I’ve been on this planet as well. And I came to the conclusion that of those years, days and months, the last 10 months have been the best of my life. The ups far outweigh the downs.

And it’s all thanks to this blog, my Tweeps and Erotic Meet. I’ve actually achieved things this year, things I’d never dreamed of doing. I’m getting published later this month. Brooke Magnanti (aka Belle de Jour, one of my influences for this blog) wished me a happy birthday and a happy St. Nicholas day. I got to know so many awesome people, wrote so much more than I ever could and got in touch with my own sexuality in a way I could only dream of before. I’m doing what I love and I’m prepared to fight tooth and nail to keep doing it in the next few years.

And to top it all off, I’m actually going to live my dream. I’m moving to Wales next year.

MFK told me that my life was not a mess. And sometimes I think he’s right. Now is that time.

Thank you.

Dank u wel.

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  1. Your outlook is amazing and one that should be both admired and copied. Kudos to you for this and all the best.

  2. I love this post. This post takes one look at life and grabs it cheerfully by the balls. It’s brilliant.

    I’m so glad you’ve loved the last ten months and that you’ve achieved so many wonderful things. It’s great to know that if you try hard and get your arse in gear, you can do what you love. Inspiring.

    It’s so awesome about Wales too. I’m a little nervous to meet you, I admit, but I want to do my best to help you settle in when you get here, that’s for sure. It’s exciting and I hope it’s all as you dream it will be. 🙂

  3. I echo Vincent – I was taken with your positive outlook and will to continue. It’s that inner strength that will get you through this. And your friends.

    Life is ups and downs, and as long as the ups outweigh the downs, then you can consider it a success.

    Hang in there.


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