Keep Strong

On the one hand, a libertine. A budding slut with a glint in her eye and a bounce in her step. She knows what to say, when to say. And she bloody loves a good flirt.

Combine with that a young woman who knows what she wants in life, and is working damn hard to get it on track. She wants her writing career to blossom, and is willing to work hard for it.

Sounds like a winning package right?

I couldn’t be further removed from her today.

I try keeping strong. Emerging myself in writing projects, tweeting like my arse was on fire, and trying to keep this blog maintained.

But when you wake up to the news that your dad, in his Alzheimer-induced confusion, has hit a passer-by with his car…

I have absolutely zilch of a clue as to why I’ve not retreated to my room and curled up in my duvet for the rest of the day. And I don’t know why I haven’t yet booked an appointment with a physical therapist to reduce the strain on my neck that this overwhelming stress is giving me.

It’s days like this that I just can’t bring myself to write something about sex. No, days like this make me want to go sit in a corner and go on strike from life.

Do you know what the worst part is?

In the weird, meta-sort of world that is Stately Boyd Manor, we only need about four hours for a situation like this, however freaky and fucked up, to settle down.

Sure, there is a lingering note of tenseness in the house. As we speak, my mum is relaying the entire story to her sister on the phone, in a weird sort of calmth. Tomorrow, she’ll have put this behind her, because of another day full of things.

I meanwhile, am trying to keep my cool. This is my therapy. My coping mechanism.

I’ve been searching for rooms in Cardiff the entire day. Writing here and there. Doing a little bit of promo for Doing the Naughty List…

But I imagine that this façade will crumble in the next few days. It takes me a ridiculously long time to process things. My nan died nearly ten years ago, and it wasn’t until two years ago that I could finally cry about it.

But I need to keep strong. I owe it to myself.

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2 Comments

  1. Despite all of your setbacks of late, you demonstrate an innate strength with everything you write, post, and tweet. There are going to be times when you don’t feel like the savvy, sexy woman we all know you to be. That’s okay. You aren’t obligated to always show a certain facet of your personality at the expense of all others. Ultimately, you must be true to yourself, and everything else will fall into place.

    -Jack

    Reply
  2. Oh sweetheart. So many hugs from me to you. Thinking of you.

    xx Dee

    Reply

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