Study Up!

I was still in the midst of The 52 Seductions, when I read a paragraph that made me question the very core of my existence as a sexual human being.

I read about Betty and Herbert’s attempt at Tantric sex, and how Betty felt about sex through the medium of how-to books. I found myself completely agreeing with her. Sex shouldn’t be like a paint-by-numbers. There should be no instructions on the right technique.

If you’re looking surprised, yeah, that’s exactly what I thought.

Most of my bookcase on sexuality is a who’s-who of how-to books. From Tracey Cox to Susan Crain Bakos and everything in between, I’ve got it. I think I got them because they’re about sex. No other reason. I devour anything about sex, even if it’s only a little nibble. I’m living proof that sex sells, because it’s the only thing I buy.

At the bookshop, I tend to get quite pissed off when they’ve not stocked a new book on sex. It’s an addiction, to be honest.

But Betty’s words resonated with me. Sex should be a natural thing.

There should be no order to what you stroke first, or lick second, because it just stilts the entire act of sex. I’m a virgin, and even I know that sex should flow.

Then again, sometimes sex doesn’t flow… But do you still revert to a routine? One lick, two stroke, one lick again?

I don’t know.

But I do know that the concept of technique in sex has made me a bit paranoid.

I still remember sitting in Fifth Floor (a restaurant above my frequent London haunt, Waterstones Piccadilly), studying a Tracey Cox book and trying to memorize techniques, just in case. Does it need to be like that? Do you need to study? Is sex like a final exam that you have to pass in order to get in good graces with your lover?



I’m with Betty on this. Sex is not a task. And I hope to god it stays that way.

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1 Comment

  1. For such a voracious reader, collector of books, and must-knower-of-everything, I went about sexual learning all backwards (for me). I just figured it out by feel. And in retrospect, some of those books would have been useful! Not for the technique step one step two, so much as having a better idea of what to expect. And knowing that lubrication was a thing that existed and could be used!

    I think, when it comes to things sexual, the best thing to study is yourself. Then your partner(s). Then how you connect. And then – if you’re a writerly type, you can write a book about it 🙂

    xx Dee


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