So, I’ve been doing the healthy thing for a week now. It’s great. I never realized how much I like fruit, and walks. And I’ve actually lost some pounds from it, which is also A Good Thing.
That, however, does not stop me from wanting to put a GIANT FUCKING CHOCOLATE CAKE in my face. It’s embarrassing. No food should be sinful, or be referred to as “a guilty pleasure”. Pleasure is not guilty. But fuck, I can’t help feeling like a twonk for having slightly erotic thoughts about licking frosting from a cupcake.
Food can be a very sexual thing.
I was reading K.D. Grace’s story Vegging last night, and, to my slight surprise, I found myself immensely turned on by the thought of fucking myself with a carrot. It worked for the woman in the story (also applied were an aubergine and a cucumber, in case you wonder), so why wouldn’t it work for me?
I soon found myself with my hand down my pants, flicking my clit, whilst reading of the veggie-related exploits of the leading lady. Reading became a bit of a task, so the book was tossed to the side whilst I…. tossed myself. I’m kinda wishing I’d written the details of it down, because it’s a bit vague right now. All I can remember is that it was intense. And done without any penetration with toys or fingers.
After I came, I kept fiddling a bit longer. And I came again. Or at least I think I did. In some way, I hope.
All this had come from reading a story about a woman fucking a carrot. It was a bloody good story too, I tell you.
I’ve often blogged about my relationship with food. You may not agree or even be icked out with me when I say this, but food is fucking sexy. No matter what it is (unless it’s squid or something), to me, there’s a sensual quality in it. I don’t just mean the obvious, phallic-shaped sort of vegetation.
Take the art of cooking, for instance.
Sure, you may prefer a slap-up microwave thingamajiggy. Why not? It’s dead easy. But handling food, just taking time to get all the flavors and herbs and spices just right, that’s fucking hot. The feel of kneading dough, the smell of a spiced curry, the sound that involuntarily escapes you when you first taste that cake you’ve worked on for hours? That’s sex.
I’ve tried to write about this for a while now, but I never find the right words to express how I feel about this. I guess that I just needed to think that food is a positive, and not something to do when bored or angry or anything. And associating food with sexy things works for me.
Of course, I’d never consider fucking a carrot.
In the scheme of things, I’m glad I’m eating healthier now. I still need to learn to eat veg, but I have a feeling that this is achievable. Still, I really fucking want something sweet.
Did I mention that I’ve been off Coke Zero for a week?