D’you ever get the feeling that you’re surrounded by couples?

It’s like that Sex and the City episode about threesomes. Everywhere you look, you see them. Be they friends, lovers or otherwise specified, they are together and they are happy. Or at least I think so.

My Twitter feed seems to be full of couplings. I don’t really know if I can name anyone who’s single at the moment. Apart from myself. I’ve been single all my life. It can be enormously liberating or just plain wank. I’ve decided it’s the latter for me.

I’ve not got my eye on anyone right now. Bloke’s moved to pastures new, and there’s not a lot of people that have my romantic interest. But I’d love to meet someone. The thing is, I’ve got a whole set of neuroses to go with meeting someone.

The main one being that I believe that I can’t really start anything here in Belgium, when I’m considering moving to another country. I don’t really want my first proper relationship to be a LDR (*long distance relationship) one. What I want is someone who I can go out with, someone to hold hands and share snogs with.

Of course, the rampant shagging would be a bonus.

Another thing that worries me is that I might not be able to explain what I do on the side to this potential Mr./Ms. Boyd. I’d love to find someone who’s not appalled by my blog/writer/EM personality. By the way, I completely applaud anyone who can be open with their partner about this. I don’t know if I can.

I keep thinking I should hook up with someone in my inner circle, just so I’d know I have someone that understands and maybe does the same thing.

And I never think I’m attractive enough. I lack the self-confidence to strut my stuff anywhere, and I envy those who do.

All of this played on my mind tonight. It lead to a tweet that had following message:

“I wonder if, in Victorian times, I would be considered “a spinster”?

There’s something oddly insulting about that term. Men get to be “bachelors”, “playboys” and “rakes” and all that stuff. Basically, they get the women, we get the cats.

According to Wikipedia

A spinster, or old maid, is an older, childless woman who has never been married.

For a woman to be identified as a spinster, age is critical. A “spinster” is not simply a “single” woman, but a woman who has not formed a human pair bond by the time she is approaching or has reached menopause and the end of her reproductive lifespan.

So the age is critical. You apparently need to be an older woman, on the verge of menopause to be considered this.

Still, it confuses me. In the book “Soulless” by Gail Carriger, Miss Tarabotti, although young, is referred to as a spinster. Was this term less confined to age back in Victorian England?

Famous spinsters include Lizzie Borden, Greta Garbo and Harper Lee. I’m not sure how I’d feel being in their company…

I’m not actively undertaking steps to nix my singledom. I keep thinking I should wait until I get to London to actually do something about it, and concentrate on work here. Still, having someone is an idea that keeps appealing to me.

I’d love to have a girlfriend. I know what it’s like to kiss a girl, but to actually be intimate with one is a thought that makes me feel giddy. I don’t really know a lot about girls. Apart from having kissed several, I don’t know how a relationship with one would be different from one with a man. Hopefully, the clichés don’t apply.

D’you know what? I like women. And I want to know how it feels when one likes me back. Same goes for men, but I’ve kinda… I don’t know. The idea of having a girlfriend is at the moment very appealing.

By the way, this was what Wikipedia had to say about bachelors.

A bachelor is a man who is not married (see single person). Unlike his female counterpart, the spinster, a bachelor may have had children. The term is restricted to men who are not in a pair bond that will produce children and are not actively seeking a long-term partner.

And they don’t even have to be old! The term bachelor apparently comes with a side of swag that will give you a mystique likening to George Clooney. What image does “spinster” conjure up? Well, apparently…

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  1. ‘Spinster’ isn’t the greatest word, but it has a certain elegance. I can recall when “bachelor”, especially “confirmed bachelor” was automatic code for closeted homosexual, but it could occasionally indicate something less savoury. I remember the delicious shiver of irony many years ago when reading about the retirement of a former teacher of mine – he too was described as a “confirmed bachelor”, and I thought, of course, seeing as how nobody over the age of twelve remotely appealed to him…

  2. Cath

     /  April 15, 2012

    I think most of the time when “bachelor” is used today it is meant as an insult. When a celeb mag calls someone like George Clooney a bachelor I suspect it’s in a “omgz he’s in his 40s and not married; I bet he’s one of them poofs!!!11” way.

    The word does get used in positive ways too though, like in the phrase “elligible bachelor”; I think there should be elligible spinsters.

    • And I wonder why there are no eligible spinsters…. Maybe it’s not got the kind of ring to it that “eligible bachelor” has? xxx


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