The Amazing Swinging Bisexual Tantra Machine

I’ve been thinking a lot about where I want my sex life to go off to. Things I want to try out, things I’d rather avoid, and of course, the all-consuming question of what exactly I’m looking for in a partner.

I should start this post by means of a confession. You see, dear reader, I’ve done something naughty. With some support from my Swingset-mate Cooper, I’ve tentatively registered on a website for swingers and sexually adventurous people. I don’t really know why I did it. Maybe it was a reaction against the overwhelming ache that I felt. That ache that has nestled itself firmly into my belly, telling me that there is something in my life that I need.

If only that shitting ache would tell me what I need.

I’ve not used the account much, but I think at some point that this will change. It seems like an intriguing scene to explore. I think I’m very lucky to count Cooper as a friend, because if it wasn’t for him and the Swingset-crew, I would have been non the wiser about swinging and non-monogamous relationships.

But the question remains if it’ll ever lead to anything. Am I really a swinger? Or is that something I’d just like to try out and dismiss? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I really do want to have a person in my life. I’ve done too long without any form of person (by “person”, I mean lover, boy/girlfriend and that) and I ache at the sight of happiness in my life. It shames me to admit that I get slightly jealous. I want someone that’ll cuddle me and tell me random things. Someone that has a laugh together with me and does a running comment during a particularly shitty movie or something.

I just need someone. Be that boy or girl.

I’ve already mentioned that I’d love to explore girls more, and it’s something I’ll take to heart when I next get my arse to London. I just don’t know what to expect. All I know is that I want to unleash myself.

The third point on my agenda of everlasting sexual frustration is something I’ve been keen on reading up about. Ever since I had Barbara Carrellas as a guest on the blog (and partly due to reading Betty Herbert’s account of her and H’s explorations of it) I’ve been curious about tantra.

Mainly because the misconceptions about the concept are still so huge. My first brush with tantra was through Sex and the City (you all remember the famous lingam massage where the dude jizzes on Miranda, right?) and I’ve been slightly weary of it ever since. But Barbara made me realize that this is not what tantra is.

In the interest on exploring my sexual interests, I’m going to invest in a copy of her Urban Tantra book. If it doesn’t work for me, then it doesn’t. But at least I’ll have tried it, and that’s something.

I’ve discovered that sex is a very trial and error thing. You can’t really learn until you try stuff, and if it goes tits up, at least you know why you don’t like it.

This pic included for artistic merit. Wha... yes it is!

Leave a comment


  1. thesexexperiment

     /  April 13, 2012

    These are very interesting (and sexy) questions, and I’ll be fascinated to read where they lead you.

  2. Jilly,

    Do go further with your exploration of tantra. I had been interested for a long time but started taking it seriously last year. It is a wonderful journey and is all about living in the moment and being true to your desires and pleasure.

    It may be worth reading one or two different books as different teachers have different styles and emphasis (eg tantra in a loving relationship versus tantra in a much more open relationship/single pleasure seeking kind of way).

    Try it. You will not be disappointed…


    • Hi Genius!

      I’m very curious to explore further. D’you have any recommendations as to which books I should read?


  3. Urban Tantra is wonderful. (Do try some of the exercises she suggests – breathwork and meditation – it seems a bit new agey and I was as sceptical as anyone, but do try them!)

    Leora Lightwoman’s book is good – see her website at Diamondlighttantra. An she posts a few thoughts on youtube.

    Anything by Margot Anand (veteran tantrika and teacher of tantra teachers)

    For a different take on tantra look up John Hawken – much more direct focus on sex and sexual practice. Also worth taking a look online at Kavida Rei (haven’t read her book though) and Jan Day is highly regarded as a tantra teacher.

    Good luck and would love to hear how it goes.



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