I had no idea that drop could last this long.
Last night, I still felt utterly shit. There’s really no other word for it. It’s like being a balloon that’s been puffed up to an unusually monstrous size and then rapidly deflated.
As I sat at my laptop, trying to figure out how I could stop myself from slumping any deeper, I completely shut down. Quiet, snapping at my mother, close to tears… yeah, that’s not really like me, is it?
(or maybe it is… sometimes. Not all the time. Well, not today, at least.)
I shut down my laptop and went to lie on the couch, huddled up in my blanket. Tears came and came hard, and I wished feverishly that IO… well, that anyone would have been there to hold me. I couldn’t even find the right words to explain to mum what was going on. When that happens, in this household, you know that shit has gone down.
Luckily, I found my lesser-spotted i-Pod lying around. Shutting off the world and listening to the Danny Wallace podcast couldn’t have been a better cure.
Listening to my i-Pod felt oddly like having a mate talk to you. Side note, that thing may be fucking ancient, but it still gets me through my moments.
I’m feeling better today. Not entirely tip-top, but sorta better. I still miss having someone to hold. If I close my eyes, I can see IO. I can picture everything that could happen, and it scares me.
I don’t know. Maybe some more soul-searching is in order.
Getting pretty sick of it though.