When I started out this blog, I had no idea what to write about. Mainly because what I knew about sex didn’t reach further than how I could get myself off, and even then, I was sketchy on that.

Since then (nearly sixteen months ago) I’ve learned a lot. And although I’m immensely grateful for the entirely new world that has opened up for me, I can not help myself from feeling despair sometimes.

The world of sex seems to be a world full of things contradicting themselves. As it is in any other world, but this one in particular seems to be filled to the brim with opinions that make themselves go around in circles.

I’ve never been good at forming a solid opinion and voicing it to the masses. I guess I didn’t really feel like I had one that counted. Or that it was asked of me. But now that I’m a sex blogger/adult, it feels like I have to take a stance on things.

And it’s fucking hard.

I know I probably don’t have to. But I feel like I should. So many things are thrown at me, and it’s hard to process and think them through. It’s thinking yourself into a never-ending circle of things you need to remember.

And then there’s the matter of expressing them and standing up for what you believe in. Whenever this need occurs, I freeze. The words don’t come out right, and I end up talking myself into a lot of trouble, because I answered in the wrong way. It’s so frustrating because if I let it sit for a few days, I usually manage to come up with something sensible to say.

It’s a confusing world for me.

I don’t need an opinion on everything, do I?

I think that if I had successfully managed to form an opinion on every issue about sex, sex culture, feminism, sex education, equality and sexuality, I would be contradicting myself.

Here are some things I have figured out though. Hate on me if you want, but with inside voices please.

– I am a feminist. I’ve considered myself one ever since I read How To Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran. I share many of her views. I may take the ever-loving piss out of Katie Price because she is who she is, but I still consider myself a feminist.

– I am bisexual. I fully support gay rights and gay marriage. I also support being given options, so that the GLBTQ community can choose whether they want a civil partnership or a marriage.

– I know now that I would rather opt for a civil partnership than marriage, whether I choose to spend my life with a man or a woman. I have my reasons, partly because there is an enormous pressure surrounding weddings and partly because they could cost you an arm and a leg in planning. Plus, I am rather someone’s partner than someone’s wife.

– I refuse to discriminate someone on the basis of their kinks, but there are things that I don’t feel like voicing my opinion on, because I have none. Make sense?

– I am twenty-one, in a world where I am constantly confused by everything thrown my way. I know a lot, but I don’t know enough. I want to learn, but I don’t want to be judged on my age.

I know my opinions might not sit well with a few of you, but these are them and I’m sticking to them.

Bloody fuck, this was hard to write.

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  1. Rory

     /  May 21, 2012

    Something it took me years to learn was that I didn’t need an opinion on everything, and more importantly, that the opinions I hold today might not be the opinions I hold next week.

    One of my current opinions is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. There will be people who agree with you, there will be people who respectfully disagree… and then there’s the people behind door number 3: the people who will judge you for it (without using their indoor voices… =P).

    It takes a lot to stand up for your opinion when there’s something shouting in your face that you’re wrong. Those people used to make me pee my pants in fear, but here’s the thing – they’re called opinions for a reason. They’re not set in stone. They’re hardly ever hard facts. They will always be debatable.

    I have never had trouble listening to people’s opinions, as long as they are stated as such – personal opinions. It’s when people start to present them as facts that I start making faces.

    EXCEPT when they are about yourself. By all means, present them as facts. You say you’re a feminist, I believe you. You say you’re bisexual, I believe you. You say you’d rather be someone’s partner than someone’s wife, I believe you. Why? Because of all the people in the world, you know who you are best of all. There’s no reason at all for people to hate you because any of the things you just told us about yourself. This is you!

    That’s not to say it *should* be an easy thing to write. It’s hard standing up and saying ‘Hi, this is me’. My point is (I realize I’m writing a comment as long as your post here, but I do have a point…) that if *anyone* has *any* problems with the things you just listed, it says more about them than it does about you. There’s no reason at all why people should take offense to this.

  2. I’m really sorry if voicing any of the above has ever caused anyone to hate on you; what you’re writing is subjective, personal response. And no one – but NO ONE – can tell you what YOU should or shouldn’t think. The difference between your social-issues writing and many others’ I’ve noticed is that you write a very emotional, personal response to things, whereas others might take a more objective view. Neither is better than the other. In fact, if anything, what is nice about your blog is that readers can come and see how the issues of the day effect young adults. And that is damn important.

    Take it or leave it, but here’s my advice for writing about social issues etc. (And it’s only advice, and it’s stuff I’ve learnt from analysing literature and reading articles, not studying journalism. But still… for what it’s worth, I never get the hate stuff and I write some pretty controversial stuff.) Also, apologies if I you’re already using any/all of the following advice – my blog-reading time has been minimal recently.

    1) Never speak in definitives unless it is an absolute truth – and there are few absolute truths. Don’t say “it is”, say “it could be seen as”. It’s a little change in language that means the difference between saying “your point of view is wrong” and saying “here’s another point of view to consider”. ALSO – if you’re writing personal response (and I love when you do, so please do!) then make full use of “I think” and “to me” and “for me personally”. All of these give you a point of view without saying anyone else is wrong.

    2) If you can’t argue both sides in your head, then you shouldn’t hit publish. There is always more than one point of view and if you can’t see at least two (usually more) then you need more thinking time. Writing is so good when it contains discussion and debate in itself. It also sparks further debate.

    3) Similar to no. 2, don’t hit publish when you’re angry/upset/over-excited. Pieces that comment on society and things that effect everyone are hot-buttons for other people’s rage. Write. Reread. Fix. Reread. Rewrite. Sleep. Proofread. Publish. (Not necessarily in that order, but you get the idea.)

    All I’m giving above are the guidelines I use myself. You can absolutely ignore it all and I’ll never call you on it. If you like it, I hope you find it helpful. And if you get any haters, send me their way and I’ll give them what for. No one has the right to tell you what you should or shouldn’t think.

    • Thank you, Harper.

      Thanks for giving me advice. I always take what you say to heart. The guidelines make total sense and I’m definitely going to re-read the next time I want to do an opinion piece.

      Lots of love


  3. That seems like a pretty solid foundation to me. You’ve already taken the key step by recognising that your opinions are not necessarily self-evident truth – a distinction lost on a surprisingly high proportion of people. And no, you don’t need an opinion on absolutely everything – people who have are at best bores and at worst seriously ignorant of many of the subjects they sound off about (the primary reason I don’t read newspapers). Also, if you felt you had the whole world sussed at 21, I’d be seriously worried about you: opinions accumulate & change along with age & experience; no need to rush it.


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