It is a universal fact that sometimes, under extreme duress, even the politest and most adorable lady will consider smacking a small child over the head with a glass dildo.
You may think this is a very funny way of apologizing for effectively skiving off work for… oh, a week and a half. But this, my dear readers, this is something that actually crossed my mind.
After an eight-hour bus ride from Victoria Coach Station, I found myself back on home ground, on a train to my home town. Unfortunately, I also found myself on the train with two very busy small children, one of which was in the process of introducing a gummy bear to the inside of her ear.
It was quite claustrophobic. You’ll have to forgive my evil thoughts, but I bet that it’s the same thing you’d be thinking after that long on a bus.
It was a very good holiday. One filled with many, many highlights and many moments where I just wanted to bury myself in a ditch to get away from the combined force of a group of French children at the hostel.
I have learned some valuable things, dear reader.
- Do not eat a 99 sitting on a terrace when the wind is just strong enough to blow you to the other side of said terrace.
- The pigeons of South Kensington are pure evil and are currently conspiring to steal my Flake.
- I have eaten said Flake. For protection purposes. Also for science.
- The more docile pigeons of Marble Arch are considering forming a Disgruntled Pigeon Union. I think.
- There is a McDonalds in Chelmsford. Trust me, this is a big deal for me.
- A penis looks… well, fairly un-scary.
- Poetry is better when done naked. But only in the case of a man.
- Rubyyy Jones is very… very bendy.
- You CAN play the saw as a musical instrument!
- Platform 9 3/4 DOES exist!
- London doesn’t really exist. It’s a netherworld of some sorts that is there only in my mind.
And many more things, most of which were firmly and funny in my head when I made this post up a couple of days ago.
I’m sure the penis one raises a few eyebrows… well, I did not have sex on this trip, but I did see a quite handsome man perform poetry in the buff at Erotic Meet. And it did cure me of my fear for peni. I hope.
Right. I was going to end this post with a picture of the evil pigeons, but the batteries of my camera are flat… Yeah.
Either way, I’m back. And I’m gonna try to take it slow. Bear with me, loves.