I mentioned that I`m taking on the challenge of orgasming exactly 100 times in the space of ten days. Yes, I am that crazy. But it`s a challenge I`m willing to take. Since I arrived here in the UK, my wanking habits have been worth nothing. I think I only managed two or three self love sessions in the space of a month.
And for someone who is keen on promoting the benefits of a little alone time with your bits, that just ain`t not right.
So, I took on the challenge. And I`m very, very pleased to report that already, things are looking up.
Come with me for a moment, as I set the scene for you.
It`s late in the evening. You know that a challenge lies ahead of you, so you choose to fight it head on. You take your weapon/vibrator of choice (Ladyfinger) and settle with a nice DVD. In lieu of any good porn, you turn on Michael McIntyre Live and Laughing. Not for its pornographic value (which is zip), but because you like to quote along as you writhe in ecstasy. You know, for the challenge.
It takes some time to figure out the masturbatory logistics of this situation, but eventually, you settle in. Ladyfinger slips down the fabric of your shorts, and settles on your clit. It feels good. Oddly comforting, almost.
Again, it takes time to get to the state of no return. But when you get there, with LF inside you and your fingers on your clit, it feels marvellous.
On screen, Michael McIntyre utters the word “loft whores”, as you shudder and shake into a world of golden bliss.
But are you sated? Like fuck you are.
So you go for round two. A quick one. It comes heavy, hard and fast and leaves you utterly drifting on a cloud.
Of course you go for round three.
And fuck it, round five.
Eventually, you decide to call it a night. One, because you feel like you`ve done enough for now. Two, you can`t actually move.
So, you let the enthusiasm of Mr McIntyre help you drift off into the Land of Nod. And in your head, you count up your tally.