The High Heeled Mystery

This morning was lacking something. Something really rather vital.

Food.

So, I got my kit on and trudged onwards to Tesco. But in getting my kit on, I had made a slight mistake. It wasn’t anything embarrassing, like putting my shirt on backwards or (as I did one memorable Sunday afternoon) putting my pants on inside out.

No.

Muggins here decided to wear heels.

There is something empowering about wearing heels, I grant you that. Or at least, that’s how I feel. You stand a little straighter, you think twice about how you walk. For me, it means not slouching. It means being a little taller.

It also means that I can’t properly walk. Seriously.

The first rule of high heels (according to JE Boyd) is to never, EVER wear them when you go grocery shopping. You will look like a massive tit.

Why I did it, I don’t know. Actually, I do know. I have a lovely pair of strappy heels that I bought the day before I moved. I have yet to wear them out for longer than half an hour. I though I’d take them out for a test drive, not knowing that I would look like Bambi taking his first steps out onto the tarmac of the parking lot in front of our house.

I can’t wear high heels. No matter how much I perve over the Essex-style stilettos and pretty black killer heels, I can not wear them. My feet feel swollen afterwards and I just have no clue how to walk in them.

I so desperately want to be taught. I want to conquer walking in heels so I can wear nice things on my feet. I want my feet to be less of a fuss, so that I can fit in a pair of heels without blood seeping from the sides of my heels. I want to walk tall! Preferably in black and white polka dot vintage heels!

Oh, one could only wish to crack the mystery of high heels… How to walk in them without looking like an arse…

 

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2 Comments

  1. TJ

     /  August 16, 2012

    LOL!! If you ever figure it out, by all means let the rest of us know! I never could walk in heels without, as you referenced, feeling like Bambi taking his initial steps, and at this stage in the game I doubt that will ever change. They might look great, but I’d prefer not to break an ankle for the sake of my appearance. Hope you figure it out! 🙂

    Reply
  2. gingergreenwood

     /  August 20, 2012

    All it takes is practice. I am flat-footed, I have bunions and a family history of varicose veins and I still manage to walk in heels. It may sound crazy to wear them with that kind of foot background, but it makes me walk better and as you said, helps with posture.
    Start simple, with wedges that are about an inch high and work your way from there. Let me know how it goes!

    Reply

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