In times of duress, you want to have a little piece of home with you. No matter where that home lies, or if it lies in two different places, you want something familiar to remind you that you are not alone in this world. For me, it’s a few things. A homemade CD someone special gave me. A picture of my mother from her wedding day. The big jar of Douwe Egberts Instant Coffee that stands reassuringly in the aisles of Tesco. Apple sauce. Tartare sauce. Songs that make you grin and think of that moment, no matter what that moment is. Silly things, really, but they remind me of comfort and open arms.
I’ve been clinging on to those things for dear life.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I’m in a dark place in my head and I can’t really find something that’ll take me back to lightly, brightly, sprightly me.
The natural answer would be crafts. For some reason, I’ve really taken to something that I was shite at growing up. I kid you not when I tell you that I actually made someone cry during collage making because I ruined a collage of her face.
(sidenote: kids can be wankers)
Yesterday, I hiked up to a church in the more rural bit of the city, to check out a crafts group. I had nothing with me to make, but I ended up having an excellent time. Smack on me all you like for being boring, but crafts really does bring people together. It creates a sense of community.
The ladies at the group were really kind and caring. Two of them immediately took it upon them to teach me how to knit, and one lovely lady even suggested she teach me dressmaking (once I master the knitting). There is something so soothing about knitting…. Can’t really put my finger on it.
By now, you’re probably throwing a massive hissy fit at me. “This is a sex blog!” you shout in frustration. “Where’s the hot and steamy sex? Where’s the wank marathons and naked pictures? WHY IS SHE GOING ON ABOUT HER KNITTING CIRCLE?!”
Because I quite like writing about other stuff too?
Rest assured, the hot and steamy sex and wank marathons are still happening. There will be naked pictures aplenty.
But there will be talk about other things too. Including my “knitting circle”.
I just realized that I have veered massively off-topic. Do forgive me.
But in a way I haven’t, because crafts are a sort of comfort too. It’s a new kind of comfort that I’ve been looking for.
This dark place in my head is fucking scary. It’s that moment where the mind goes completely blank and just plays you solemn guitar ballads the entire day. There is no sunshine in this chaos in your mind. It’s frustration. You want to learn, you want to soak up the world and you want to Get Shit Done, but all you can find the power for is lying in bed, listening to more guitar ballads.
I’m surprised I even managed to get up this morning. I retreated to bed at five PM last night and just stayed in my room eating rice cakes and crisps. This is not good. This is not how a Barenaked Lady behaves.
A Barenaked Lady shakes off the empty mind and Gets Her Shit Together. She musters up the courage to go pay the rent, put the little money she has to good use and come back from her day ready to write. A Barenaked Lady seeks solace in those h0me comforts, whilst at all times reminding herself that home is where the heart is and her heart is in many places at once. She knows that she is not alone and that she has wonderful friends in her life.
She finds her way home effortlessly, without moving a muscle. Because she is home in the heart and mind. Whatever that may mean.
Someone wise once told me that if you don’t know what to write about, write about not writing. Because at least you’re writing.
Sound advice, because it got me to write at least 700-odd words today.
PS: I best go and get that jar of Douwe Egberts Instant. I’ve been craving coffee all morning now!