Cluck You

The conversation at my crafts group turned to swear words. Now, seeing as my crafts group are made up of mainly lovely older ladies, you can be assured that they swear with dignity. I envy that. I can learn a lot from these ladies, and not just how to cast on a row.

I fancy a swear now and again.

Scratch that, I fancy it most of the time. Even during sex, I just want to swear my tits off at how absolutely fantastic it is. Good swears are the best. When you’re walking in the street and all of a sudden, you stop and go “Fuck yeah!” at something awesome. That’s the way it should be.

The way it shouldn’t be was demonstrated in a very apt way earlier this week.

Let’s set the scene.

Tesco, in the early evening. You’ve just come back from a lovely day. You roam the aisles looking for a fix of strawberry laces (because of course) and Coke Zero. Having located your poison for the evening, you head for the till. At the same time, an older woman and her daughter are headed for the same till. You take your naturally assigned place in the queue and start unloading your items, making sure said lady has enough place.

Said lady then gives you the evils and says (quoted verbatim) “Well, it seems your need is bigger than anyone else’s.”

She then exits the line and buggers off to another till. Huffily.

When this happens, you get the rare chance of momentarily floating above the world to clock your own reaction. In my case, this was mounting anger.

And of course, seeing as I suffer from espirit d’escalier (only figuring out what you wanted to say after the even) it wasn’t a lovely moment in Boyd history.

As I write this, I remember the dignity of the swears emitted by my lovely crafty lady friends. So, I wanted to end this post with a message for this lady at the till.


Dear Lady at The Till in Tesco,

I have taken umbrage to your wanton display of hissy-ness. Although I do not know of the situation you were in at the time you came to my attention, this does not qualify you to have a go at me.

My needs are not greater than anyone else’s. And to me, without knowing your situation, neither are yours.

Cluck you, Lady.

Cluck you very very much.


Jillian Eve Q Boyd, 21, irate customer.



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