The Feminine Mystique Is Bullshit

(Possible TMI warning, but also not because you are currently reading a sex blog so you might expect the forthcoming TMI. Or not. As you will. Just think of this as Schrödinger’s TMI warning.)

I was in bed the other night, mulling over things, as is my wont. As Loverboy slept contentedly beside me, I started thinking about that phenomenon called “the feminine mystique”. Aside from being the title of the book that is widely credited to have brought about the second wave of feminism in the sixties, it’s also the air of mysteriousness that some women like to keep when around their partner.

I don’t know if this is an actual thing or if it just exists in television shows like Sex and the City, but I feel keen on addressing it.

I seem to remember this scene from Gilmore Girls, where Sookie confides in Lorelei that she gets up earlier to do make up so that Jackson, her then-boyfriend, thinks that she really does look like that in the morning.

Then, of course, there’s the famous moment in the first season of Sex and the City where Carrie accidentally farts in bed with Mr. Big. She then spends the rest of the episode absolutely mortified because it happened.

There’s lots of these little moments in the back of my head, and they all mingled into one conclusion. What. The. Fuck?

It’s only my opinion, but I just want to let it be known that I consider this a steaming heap of bullshit.

Hiding bodily functions and morning hair from your partner is like letting them know that you’re not actually human. You are basically confirming that you’re some sort of alien that doesn’t fart and always looks like Heidi Klum in the morning. That shouldn’t happen.

I’m not saying that you should go full-on Terrance and Philip and parp in your partner’s face, but I am saying that it’s perfectly okay to not immediately comb your crazy morning hair or to have a bit of a burp in front of them. They won’t think any less of you. They’ll just be very pleased they’re in a relationship with a normal person.

Thus ended my tiny rant.



I feel compelled to add the following, which may make me sound like an eejit, but hey.

It took me a very long time to realize that Loverboy wouldn’t think any less of me if I did any of this stuff in front of him. It eventually stopped when he (and I kid you not) walked in on me throwing up one night. He didn’t bat an eyelid, which I applaud and love him for. From then on, I realized that it was perfectly okay to be normal.

Leave a comment


  1. heathercoleatvaginaantics

     /  January 18, 2013

    “feminine mystique”—the idea that women were naturally fulfilled by devoting their lives to being housewives and mothers (I copied that from Wikipedia. I also should read the book probably.) I sympathize with other women who try to maintain an air of mystery around their basic bodily functions with their boyfriends. I agree that they take it to extremes on TV for comedic effect, but I get that initial “I’m going to clench my butt cheeks until they’re petrified so that I don’t fart in front of him.” I totally do that with both my boyfriends yet I pee with the bathroom door open. Interestingly enough, I’m more relaxed about it with my girlfriend. But I applaud your confidence in just being exactly who you are and letting the occasional fart fly. Good for you! 🙂

    • Believe me, Heather, it took me a long time to get to that point. But I just thought I’d say how I feel about it now. I think I want to read that book too, actually.

  2. It took a few years for me to get comfortable doing certain things around Henri. But once we were living together steadily, all of that flew out the window. Besides, that’s too much work and naturalness to hide. Can you imagine disappearing every time you have to fart? How about if it was taco Tuesday? Oy! xxx

  3. I think it would have probably taken me a bit of time to feel comfortable around BK but during my last visit (second time seeing him) within 48 hours he had horrendous food poisoning and all pretense that may have existed that we were two charming aliens who always looked good and didn’t have bodily functions vanished.

    He looked like death and I was up worrying about him which combined with my jet lag wasn’t a good look but we still love each other dearly.

    Great post m’dear.

  4. I believe it was Claire Rayner who said you hadn’t achieved true intimacy until you’d learned to fart in each other’s company. How bizarre that you can exchange all kinds of body fluids, but a simple excretion becomes such a benchmark – so-called civlisation has a lot to answer for…

  5. I agree with all of this…

    …except for the word “fart”. I don’t like it.

  6. I passed wind in front of L once, he never let me live it down! It was okay for him to do it in front of me, but if I did it. Heaven forbid! Double standards indeed. Screw em 😉


Whisper to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: