The Hypothetical Work Wank

So I was watching this sketch show called Big Train last night. You may have heard of it, you may have been touched by its genius. It is without a doubt the best ten quid I’ve spent in the past week. It has also made me wonder how different the universe we live in would be if the canon Big Train sketches exist in are what happens in real life. Yes, this is how my brain works at one in the morning.

There’s this one sketch that made me laugh beyond belief. You might know it. It’s set in an office. The team leader comes in and announces to his staff that, under strict orders, there will be no more wanking at the desk. This of course sets in order a sea of moans and groans about how unfair it is that this one nice thing is taken away from them, with one worker even stating that the only reason he joined this team was for the wanking.

I got to thinking. What if you really were allowed to wank at work?

What if it was completely legal, totally not frowned upon and in fact encouraged to wank at work?

Would productivity go up a notch?

Would it contribute to worker satisfaction?

If workers had something to look forward to other than the occasional break, would more people actually enjoy going to work?

It’s something worth considering, even when you take the wanking out of the picture. If workers actually had some sort of stimulation during the day (and I don’t mean sexual stimulation, but take it as you please) would more people be raving about how cool it is to work in accounting?

I don’t know. It’s completely hypothetical, of course. But then again…

 

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2 Comments

  1. An appreciation of ‘Big Train’ is one of my markers for being an intellectual, so consider yourself included 🙂 As for wanking at work, well, one keeps hearing stories… could be the basis for an interesting time in motion study.

    Reply
  2. Captain Teflon

     /  January 22, 2013

    Having at least once caught a couple at work in flagrante, this is not entirely hypothetical. They both looked very pleased with themselves most of the time.

    I am unable to advance an opinion on whether the cause of happiness was “We got to fuck at work” or “We just got PAID for that!”

    Reply

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