Adventures In The Orgasmatron


Climaxes, coming, The Big O (God, I hate calling it The Big O). That thing that apparently happens at the height of pleasure, when everything is just right and the cosmos unravels within you and poof, you come.

Or something to that liking.

I read a post by Fleshbot maven Lux Alptraum, posted on her personal Tumblr. In it, she talks about the years she spent not coming due to being anorgasmic. She also mentions that orgasms are not a yardstick to measure the amounts of pleasure you’re having with.

And I completely agree with that.

The world has apparently conspired to make us believe that the humble orgasm is the be-all and end-all to sexual pleasure. It HAS to be had, otherwise the sex you just had might as well be declared null and void. It’s a sad state of affairs that we believe this, because it’s so far from the truth it has to use binoculars to see the actual truth.

I have sex because it’s a good way of getting close to my partner. It’s soothing, it’s enriching and above all, it’s the most fun I have with my clothes off. And it is fucking fun. Like, seriously.

But it doesn’t mean that all our steamy sessions end with both of us erupting in an orgasmic explosion of… orgasmic explosive stuff. Because it’s not what we aim for. In fact, I’d be surprised if ILB said he aimed for anything other than just having a damn good time. Because it is what I want out of sex.

Sex is about having fun. And not about thrust, thrust, stroke, is it in yet, it’s in, oh I’ve come, have you? If you have sex with the sole purpose of having a smashing orgasm and nothing more, I don’t think you’re doing it right. There is so much more to sex than just orgasms, although they are of course a pleasant cherry on the cake. Sex, to me, is about connection. About release, about giggles and butterflies and most of all, FUN.

I’m not dissing orgasms, no sir I am not. I spent a long period of time unable to orgasm because I was on antidepressants. In an amazing stroke of bad luck, this happened not long after I started masturbating. I was just getting to know my body when it kinda conked out on me. Lux states in her post that she never felt broken or incomplete in the years in which she couldn’t come. But I kinda did. Especially since I was so new to the entire experience of masturbating and coming.

Like Lux, I don’t mean to demean the orgasm or indeed the female orgasm (that apparently mythical beast), but I don’t think it should be the measure of a successful bout of sex.

That said, I do hope you, dear reader, have some mind-blowing orgasms in your lifetime. Because… you know.. orgasms. Just don’t make it the sole aim of your sexual explorations. Because you’d be missing out on a hell of a lot of fun if you did.



Leave a comment


  1. I think that this is a nice post because, coming from a 22 year old who grew up around disgusting (and sometimes disturbing) sexual innuendos about orgasms and such (really, I mean, no kid wants to know about that from their parents OR what happens in the bedroom), it’s really nice to know that it can be enjoyed and not just about “the big bang” according to the K-Y Intense commercials (which are just so lame, I think). It’s nice to know that, for once, I’m not the only one who thinks of sex as more of a connection and something fun than something just for the explosion, etc. I mean, it’s nice to know that it can be taken seriously and not just because my [future] husband is too lazy to use his hand(s).

  2. I agree 100%. I rarely have orgasm-orgasms with a partner (only 4 men have ever made that happen). And my current lover has a very difficult time cumming with me (though, I have a much better average than his other lovers). We talk all the time about how it’s not the orgasm. That’s just gravy on an already tasty ass turkey leg 😉

  3. I have sometimes been guilty of this, almost to the point where I recently requested that we devote some time to just being intimate without to the point of orgasm. It seemed like once we both got there, we immediately went our separate ways, which isn’t the point. So hopefully this will spice up our sex life and our intimacy with each other.

  4. Perfectly stated. After an hours-long session orgasm is a full stop (for a man) after the most wondrous pleasure conceivable. Full stops aren’t really that exciting. Fast and hard shags can, conversely, end in mind-blowing, dizzyingly magnificent orgasm – more of an exclamation mark.

  5. See, this is one of those situations, that being a dude, that likes dude, seems the better choice. We get the fun time, as well as pretty much, 99 percent of the time, getting that orgasm.


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