Reality Is Like Being Drunk (No, Wait)

(Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense. It’s been a long weekend.)

Sometimes, you’re at home from work (or in my case, working from home) and you’re doing the procrastination thing in front of the television. You flick through the millions of channels you seem to have, but still find nothing on. So you watch one of those reality shows, like Cupcake Girls, Extreme Couponing, Holy Shit, It’s Honey Boo Boo and the likes (yeah, I may have overdosed on TLC this weekend).

(More after the jump. Not that this is a long post, it’s just a bit bleh, so feel free to skip if you’re so inclined.)

Or if you’re of a less nervous disposition than I am, you watch those hospital documentaries, where the doctors go about their business making people healthy while the camera rolls.

And you sometimes cry, you sometimes balk at how awful the situation you’re watching is turning out to be. But it still feels like you’re a bit drunk. Like you’re watching people through the tinted glasses of a few too many gins. Sure, it’s reality TV, but it can’t be that much of a reality now… right?

Come with me, as I try to make this godawful metaphor thingamabob make sense.

I’d been feeling a bit under the weather for a couple of weeks now, mainly due to stomach cramps and bad reactions to food. I wasn’t paying that much heed until, at a very inappropriate moment, my body started shouting at me.

We were at the cinema, watching Byzantium. A third of the way through, my stomach started hurting again. And this time, it was fucking seriously hurting. Like being stabbed from within hurting.

I did something I would normally never do and pleaded to ILB to take me home so I could get some rest. Unfortunately, that wasn’t to be. The ambulance was called. I collapsed on the floor. Paramedics, waiting rooms, blood tests, hours and hours of waiting and vomiting and more waiting.

And then being sent home at two in the morning, dosed up on glorious, wonderful codeine.

There was a point during those long hours where I had a small transcendental experience. It felt like I was at home, watching one of those shows, but… well, from inside my television. Like I was in a little booth, just out of sight, watching nurses and doctors and patients scurrying about. And me, sitting there, holding ILB’s hand and thinking that something awful was going on inside me.

It was a bit like being drunk and watching myself on TV.

I don’t know. The metaphor might not have worked, but it still felt like not really being there in the moment. I’m okay now, if you were wondering. Immensely tired, but slowly regaining a bit of puff.


Leave a comment


  1. Been there. Not the reality TV thing, but the attack of the intestines thing, comparable, in my case, only to labour pains without the endorphins or surprise gift at the end. Mine actually caused the cancellation of a trip to Cuba! NOOoooOOOooOOOoooo . . . Surgery revealed a bit of scar tissue wrapped around an intenstine, small or big, I forget. (Must’ve been the morphine. Talk about watching myself on TV! Oh Mommy, the colours!)

    The good thing about these experiences (MM pretends to be an optimist) is that you just want back what you had before you were struck down by disaster. Although in my case I kind of wanted my trip to Cuba back, too. Also revenge on Swiss Chalet, a place where I will never eat again. So there! The terrible thing about these experiences is pretty much everything else, especially the part where the drugs wear off and you think, “Is this it?” and reach for the remote.

    • Bloody hell! That sounds well painful! And to miss out on a trip to Cuba is terrible. And yeah, I can see what you mean. I really wanted to get back to how I was a couple of months before.

      Damn Swiss Chalet. Did you get to go to Cuba anyways?

      • We had non-refundable tickets! Argh! But when I was better we got some of the money back and went to the Dominican Republic.

        On the topic of feeling like you’re on a reality show, I felt that way more keenly when Felix Baron (my Man!) had the post-Xmas version of Swine Flu. He got very sick, very fast. An ambulance took him to the hospital. After a few hours of treatment at Emergency, I said to the doctor, “He’s not going to DIE, is he?” The doctor said, “The next few days will tell.” I couldn’t believe my ears. Felix was in isolation for ten days, from Dec. 29 well into the new year. The nurses were DREADFUL (I eventually figured out they were either temps or low on the ladder of seniority and stuck with the holiday shift. They didn’t want anything to do with Swine flu patients!) I asked the doctor, “Why is he so loopy?” The doctor said, “He’s not out of the woods yet.” These were phrases I’d heard on TV. I’d never heard them in real life, though, especially not directed to me. What a time! But he survived (albeit with some new breathing issues) and the MOMENT he met the minimum discharge requirements, he was out of there and back at home and at his computer.

  2. I’m glad you’re on the mend. That must have been scary at the time.

    • Well, yeah, but I’m relieved because I was due for a massive check-up and now I know I’m basically healthy. So, that’s a good thing, I guess. Also, it seems to have restored a bit of the zest I had lost in recent months.

  3. I actually get this, I understand it. You’re watching yourself, relating to whats going on.

    I blame/celebrate the codeine 😉

  1. Alphabet Meme Stealing | ~ Lady Laid Bare~

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