To Minxy Malone, Thanks For Everything

Recently, I found an article on The Frisky asking people what the first book that they masturbated to was. It got me in a bit of a thinky-backy kind of mood, and even as I’m typing this, I’m scanning my brainbox for books I used to read to get aroused.


That’s what I did for a long while. Just read books, look for the dirty bits and read them over and over again until I got aroused. Nothing really came of it, other than a, quite frankly, very frustrating hunt for more dirty bits in other books. Seriously, once I figured out the books which tended to have a bit of fumbling in it, I was at the book store more frequently than anyone I knew.

Which is a sad thing, really. People should read more.

But anyway. The main problem with my modus operandi was that it felt like I’d bought up the entire store’s stock of romance novels after a while. We’d usually only get translations of books, and the lust does tend to get lost when taken out of the language it is originally set in. Or so I think.

The first book that got me properly hot under the collar (but, amazingly, didn’t yet prompt me to masturbate) was Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl by Belle De Jour. I bought the book on my first ever holiday to London, in despair of it being our last night there. I lay on my bed in the hotel room, opened it up, and started reading.

And then there was that opening line. “The first thing you should know is that I’m a whore.”

That first line drew me in so quickly that I kept reading for a very long time indeed.


The first book that I masturbated to… I think it was a collection of erotic stories written by famous female writers. It was edited by Imogen Edwards-Jones and called In Bed With. You had people like Adele Parks and Esther Freud contributing, but under assumed, “x-rated” guises (a combo of their first pet and first street they lived on, I think, which made for names like Pom Pom Paradise and Tutty Monmouth….).

It was a total eye opener. Well, it was at the time. It wasn’t a very good book, I think. But it did make me broaden my horizon… because one of the stories (“Twice Shy”) addressed two subjects that I didn’t even know I would find arousing. I’d always been squeamish about anything to do with anal sex (thank you very much for that, Sex and the bloody City) and even more so about spanking. So, I was more than a little hesitant to even read this story at first.

Again, in hindsight, it wasn’t particularly an erotic masterpiece, but in the end, I got off on it. More than a few times, in fact.

So, those were the two instrumental ones. I’ve since had a lovely string of stories lead to an even lovelier string of orgasms (KD Grace’s Vegging in Best Women’s Erotica 2010 comes to mind…). And, of course, I’ve taken up writing erotica myself.

But you can bet your sweet behind on this: I don’t think that me writing erotica would have even happened if it wasn’t for those (and many other) books.

The fucking awesome orgasms that happened from reading them? Bloody lovely bonus.

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  1. I wrote a responsificalisation to this! Here it be!

  2. First book I masturbated to?

    It was either 120 Days of Sodom or Cider With Rose.

    And yes, they are at opposite ends of the spectrum but my hormones were all over the place from 12 onwards and I remember the mental imagery of both was enough to send me reaching for my (almost always) erect teenage anatomy. But which book came first, I am not quite so sure.

  3. I seem to recall a fairly tame (by my standards now!) sex scene in a book by Phillip Pullman called The Butterfly Tattoo when I was 13/14 perhaps? Stirred something in me, to say the least.

    LP xo

  4. You’ve got me thinking now. I didn’t masturbate until I was in my twenties (long after I’d started fucking), and despite being a bibliophile it was initially to porn that I wanked. My first book? It was either Wicked Words (edited by Kerri Sharp) or Color of Pain, Shade of Pleasure (edited by Cecilia Tan)- both delicious anthologies that are still among my most-read.

    And i have an entire bookcase full now – and my kindle’s pretty stuffed too!

    xx Dee

  5. Like Dee, you have me thinking. I am not sure I can remember the first book masturbated to. I can certainly remember being enthralled by Mr Rochester (Jane Eyre) and rereading my Mothers copy of Lady Chatterley’s Lover again and again.


  6. Almost certainly a Judith Krantz or Jilly Cooper book, although I can’t say for absolute certain. I can vividly remember a novel with a red cover that was left in the beach hut we stayed in every summer, though (I think it may have been called ‘Tattoo’?). There seemed to be sex on every second page and I ended up sneaking it into my tent every night of the holiday … Massive multi-tasking with a torch, the book, and my hand!

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