Day 2

It seems I haven’t blogged today, so I do apologise for that. I think NaNo is eating me.

The total tally for today was 2.503 words, which doesn’t seem like all that much. I’m pretty bummed out that I couldn’t get more words in. I think other stuff got in the way. Aiming for 1500 tomorrow. Barring any distractions in the (fine) form of Mr Michael Palin and his book. And other stuff. Nice stuff. Like fluffy things and nice… things.

No Harry shot today, just because they would eat up the room I have for pictures on here. If you’re interested, he is currently perched on my printer, half watching me, half watching Tierartzin Dr. Martens (Dr. Martens, the Vet) on television. It’s about a resusmonkey or something.

So, a picture. Any picture? This one will do?

In the movie of the novel, Matthew Gray Gubler would totally play Finn. And for all you Gublerites, imagine that cap, and this scene together…. (the clamping refers to the nipple clamps Finn has put on in the previous paragraph)

As he clamped himself, he felt a rush of relief. He had gotten used to the sensation quite quickly, and now couldn’t imagine masturbating without them.

He made a fist and took hold of his hardness. With the first pump, he imagined Sally’s curvaceous body writhing across the stage, her full breasts swaying, her hips shashaying. He moaned, as in his imagination, Sally stood in front of him, smiling cheekily and undoing her corset and garter.

She was naked now, and Finn longed to touch her, to taste her and to make her his. His pumping fist moved more urgently, and he knew he wasn’t going to last long, because he was just that aroused.

His imagination ran wild with him, as Sally sat down on his lap and started kissing his neck. That, combined with a pull of the nipple chains, sent him over the edge.

Lost in the throws of his climax, he cried out her name, although it might have just been a long, toneless moan. As he came down from the exquisite high, he felt like a mess. Cum all over his chest and sheets. Nipple clamps pinching him. And in his mind, a woman who he saw as unapproachable.

He stood up from his bed and walked to the bathroom, to take a long and very cold shower.

Don’t hesitate to comment and tell me if you like it. I’m still loving the flow, and I’m particularily fond of Finn at the moment.

And just because I totally want to spoil you, I’m posting a snippet of Cain here.

Cain’s breath caught in his throat. Nobody knew it. It was a secret between Liz and him, but their calls had become a lot flirtier in the past few weeks. All due to an innocent massage.

Half of him cursed that massage. But the other half relished the change of tone in her voice when she spoke those words. A tone that set his blood flowing south and made his head dizzy. They would never become a couple, obviously, but he liked this turn of events. It spiced up his incredibly dull love life.

“No, I don’t. But do tell me.”

“Your lips. Your breath on my skin. Your hands.”

Cain moaned into his mobile phone. “Dirty maven. Tell me more.”

“Your kiss. Your taste. Your cock.”

“Oh, you want my cock, don’t you? Tell me what you want to do with it.”

“I want to lick it. Take it in my mouth. Suck it. And then…”

“Yes?” he sighed, breathless with desire.

“Hold on. Are you getting off on this?”

Cain snapped out of his aroused state. “Not at all, no, what are you talking about?”

As Lizzy changed the subject, Cain desperately tried to get the flush off his face. As if this embarrassment wasn’t bad enough, he was now sporting a rather sizable hard-on.

Seeing as I’ve shamelessly cast Jason as Cain, why not have this picture to add to the mental image?

Yep, after about a year and three months, I’d still pound that boy’s ass.

Day three!


DUDE! I made a discovery about myself. A really profound one and that. (Keep in mind that it is 1.03 am as I am writing this).

(And no, I’m not drunk. Yet. Only joking.)

I’m a total h0r for two things. And they both start with the word “stat.”

Of course, you all know what the first one is.

Moving swiftly on

The second thing I am a total h0r for, are my stats. It is a very sad fact that I do like to watch the little lines in my Sparklines thingamajiggy shoot up. Although I haven’t quite figured out how to interpret them.

I also have a third thing that I am an absolute h0r for. This.

Y’all know Matthew Gray Gubler, right?

Wow, this post is making no sense whatsoever. This is really just typing for the sake of posting pictures of these beautiful men. I should have posted them on my Tumblr.

You’ll have to excuse me for making no sense. Only, I haven’t been functioning properly today, due to my biorythm completely taking the piss out of me. I have so many things to do. I have, yet again, bought too many books. Books that are going to be confined to the space under my bedside table soon, quite possibly. I hate being a serial bookshopper. I want to sell all the books I bought last year and make way for my shiny, new, good books. Or buy another bookshelf.

God, I’m an addict.

‘Scuse me whilst I saunter off to watch Criminal Minds and fap all over Dr. Spencer Reid and his IQ of 180 +. Have I mentioned I’m a total sapiosexual?

Anyway, have some men to look at.

Shite, he’s hot. It’s not even funny how hot he is. Seriously, he makes my nethers go HALLE-BLEEDIN’-LUJAH.

Gubler. Cos he is insanely hot and probably the smartest man ever to appear on my television thats also insanely hot, and have I mentioned he’s insanely hot? Look at that smile!

Shemar. There are no words. Except, you know… DO ME NOW!!

Sorry for the randomness of this post, but I seem to be malfunctioning slightly. Normal service will resume tomorrow.

I think.

Sultry Birthday Wishes

Alright, I know it’s silly, but I couldn’t resist passing over this sort of festivity.

All together now!

Happy Birthday, Mr Statham….



May you get many birthday wishes, breakfast in bed served by a naked Rosie and a fabulous cake!

Alright, I’m a bad fan, because I have NO clue what his age is. It’s either 39 or 44. I’ll stick to 39.

Happy birthday Jay. I can haz nekkid you wiv cake nao?

Guys and Doll

I’ve been thumbing through a lot of Tumblrs in the past few days. Some provided me with excellent pictures for my growing collection of stuff that inspires me to write.

Some provided me with some men. I decided to do a bit of musing on the celeb men that attract me. So, if you will follow me through my ramblings…

David Tennant (or McDonald, if you will)

I have a soft spot for David. I was in my late teens when I discovered Doctor Who and Ten was just really all I needed at that moment. He gave me a lot of good energy and I’m eternally grateful of that time I spent being a Whovian.

These days, I like him better when he’s funny. He does comedy really well, so I hope he’ll do more of that in the future. Although, more stuff like Single Father (which – excellent) would be good too. Also, he should do a comedy show with Sarah Parrish, cos those two are golden together.

Jim Sturgess (or Dexter from that One Day movie, if you will)

It seems pretty harsh of me to say this, but this is about the only picture of Jim that appealed to me. Not that I think he’s a munter, on the contrary. The pictures I found just didn’t show what makes him appealing.

I haven’t seen him act in anything yet. I want to go see One Day, but I’m afraid it’s going to be either horribly saccharine or just depressing. I have seen him in the previews though, and I quite liked him. I don’t know if he’s a good Dexter, because, embarrassingly, I haven’t read the book and it’s been sitting on my shelve for a fucking year now.

If any of you have found pretty pictures of Jim, please, send links!

John Krasinski (or J-Kras or Jim from The Office and Jim/Pam = JAM fame, if you will)

Best face puller in the business. And a really cute guy. Look at him. He just looks so sweet, that I melt on the spot whenever I see him.

In my personal opinion, John is a very underrated actor. I saw him in It’s Complicated and he was really good, although he only had a small part.

I really like him, but I don’t have much to say about him though. Give him a good script and he’ll be a star before we know it.

Peter Facinelli (or Carlisle Cullen from the Sparkly Vampire Movie, if you will)

This one is dedicated to @ElenyaLewis.

I’m not big on Twilight. Just not my thing. However, when I caught the first movie on television, this guy definitely attracted my attention.

I don’t know what it was that made me like Peter. I think it was because he’s unique in the movie, in the sense that he’s not a very young strapping lad who does well with the teenage girls.

I haven’t seen much of him. In fact, Twilight was the only thing I ever saw him in. I would like to see more of him, out of the context of Twilight, so if Nurse Jackie ever gets aired here, I’ll be watching with eager eyes.

And probably lusting after him. Possibly.

Matthew Gray Gubler (or Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds, if you will)

He’s quite attractive in an unconventional way.

Say he would have been in my class, along with three popular, good looking, fit-but-they-know-it type of guys. Matthew would be the guy I fall in love with. You can just see that he’s something special.

It’s his eyes. I have a thing about eyes and his are very cool, sort of bedroom eyes, the kind of eyes that make me pray for the day he looks my way.

Hey, I did a rhyme..

Ewan McGregor (or the one that does them silly stuff on a motorbike with Charlie Boorman, if you will. He also does other stuff, like acting.)

I was about six when Trainspotting came out, so I discovered the sheer genius of this man through that other brilliant movie he did, Moulin Rouge. But it was not his good looks, no no. It was his singing voice that won me over.

I quickly discovered that this man can act his way out of a paper bag. And that he likes showing his cock. Ladies, if you want cock, pick up some of his dirtier, grittier work like Young Adam and Velvet Goldmine (which I desperately need to see).

Alternatively, if you want to know how deep this man is, emerse yourself into Long Way Round and Long Way Down, the documentary series on his biking adventures with his mate Charlie Boorman.

Excuse me if I sound like I’m doing promotional work for Ewan McGregor, but all of his stuff IS THAT FUCKING AWESOME I can’t help myself.


And finally…

This dude. I don’t know his name or anything. Seems quite lovely. (Jason Statham, professional panty-melter and eargasm giver. Also does acting on the side.)

I could write a whole post on my fascination and lust for him. I’ve tried analysing this obsession, and the only thing I can come up with is that I lack strong male figures in my life and found solace with him.

I look up to Jason. He has come so far in his life. He used to be a very succesful diver (he dived for England, I think), model (of course) and black market salesman. That last bit won him the part of Bacon in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, which I still think is an awesome story.

I didn’t like him at first. I saw The Transporter and thought it was shit. But I slowly changed my mind about him, up to the point where I actually declared (after seeing Crank at the cinema) to my friend A that I was so horny for him.

That died down after a while, until The Expendables came out last year. I really needed something lovely in my life (still do) and I just became crazy about him.

One year on and it has simmered to utter respect and absolute lust. I can’t not look at this guy without my jaw dropping. I love that, when I accidentally stumble upon a picture of him, my pussy just pings to life and spontaniously goes all Joey Tribbiani on him.

Fuck it, I love him. Love his eyes, love his mouth, love that fucking sexappeal he just oozes in every single picture I see of him. I’m hooked on him.

And I can’t see that ever changing.


So, things I have learned from flapping about Tumblr blogs with hot celebrity men on them (now in handy bullet point version, because I’m anal like that)

  • There is not enough Statham out there, but the stuff that’s there is golden.
  • Zachary Levi is ALL OVER THE PLACE
  • Michael Fassbender looks like he wants to kill me in every single fucking picture
  • There is such a thing as too much shirtless, Joe Manganiello (YES, there is)
  • A picture of Russell Howard is something to be cherished (see also : Michael McIntyre)
  • I am TERRIFIED at how much Alex Pettyfer has grown up and filled out since the Alex Ryder movie
  • Also, Darren Criss. I totally would.
  • No offense to the Mars Army, but Jared Leto scares me.

And finally

Bradley Cooper is a beautiful, overexposed, smug twat. With nice eyes.


Plug Post: Pornographic Love

You all know Camille Crimson right? Blowjob giving, beautiful looking, and also very nice woman Camille Crimson of

Well, she has a new site! And some new friends she would like to introduce to us.

This is Lilyanne. She, as you may have noticed, is absolutely stunning.

The man she is kissing is Max. Who’s face I haven’t seen, but I’m sure he’s a total hottie.

They, as most people, like having sex. Like this.

Lilyanne is also fond of sucking Max’s cock. Which, darn right, as it is gorgeous.

Look at those two. Max, with his gorgeous tattoos, and his pretty cock. And Lilyanne, who is so stunning with her long raven hair and her exotic eyes. Wouldn’t you like to see more of that?

Well, you can.

Camille Crimson’s newest project Pornographic Love has taken off in flight and she has every reason to be proud of it! Lilyanne and Max are a gorgeous couple and they make gorgeous videos of themselves whilst in the throws of their evident passion for each other.

The videos are as stylish as Camille’s own Art of Blowjob videos, and shot with the same care, which makes for mindblowingly sexy results.

Do you want more of that sort of thing? Go to and join. Or follow their Tumblr! And if you want to add these two fine people to your inner circle, give them a nudge on Twitter! Just follow @Liliyanne_PLove and @Max_PLove and tell them Jilly Boyd sent you!


To celebrate that I have my eye on some student housing, have some pics!

(Ps: I haven’t posted about this yet, but I’m going back to school in september! I’m going to be… wait for it… A NURSE.)

(Also, I’m moving partially out of the elderly home in september)

(Also, I’m a ninja…)

Obligatory Jason picture warning

That guy can even make pumping for gas seem sexy.


I couldn’t resist a continuation of last night’s masturbation session.

So, what did I do? By chance, we had some batteries lying downstairs, so I popped a fresh one in my Pin.

I inserted it, thrusted a few times, before deciding that my wrists were sore. Then, I worked my clit. Hanging on the edge for minutes, and then going right over, squirting and leaving a nice little stain on my mattress. Yeah, I could get used to that routine.

I’m nice and sweaty now. Makes for one hell of a work-out, by the way.

And it replaces food nicely. If I masturbate every day for the next three weeks… yeah, it’s a win-win situation.

Let me explain. I can’t eat full solid food for another three weeks. I am living on mash. Which sucks. But not really, because I quite like mash. Yet, I can’t help but think about a massive steak…

By the way, James Deen can have my virginity. Wrapped in a nice little package with a bow around it.

But he has to share with Jason.

I will (try to) survive

Liquid diets? My vision of hell.

Lazily masturbating whilst half asleep and having the most fabulous orgasm you’ve had in … weeks probably? My vision of heaven and Xanadu all rolled into one neat little package.

I needed to get off yesterday. I wasn’t exactly horny, I just felt this.. need. Burning me up inside. So, after another marathon reading of Monkseal’s blog (I am a stickler for kicking the shit out of Strictly Come Dancing. Widdy made me do it.) I tried to sleep. For about two seconds. I decided to masturbate. And it was good. It was good all the way from the moment I first touched my clit till the moment I shivered to orgasm. And then I fell asleep. Bliss.

Have a lovely picture or two to brighten up your day.

Sandman, anyone?

I dare all you UK people reading my blog to a new game tonight: Watch So You Think You Can Dance without wanting to kick Sisco in the giblets. I tried it last week. I failed.

a stirring…

“Come on. Don’t be afraid.”he says. It’s what she’s telling herself too. It’s just a cock. She’s seen plenty of cocks before.

But this one is diffrent. This one is HIS. The one she has longed to touch since forever.

She braces herself.

“Please.”he begs. He’s begging her. A sound she never thought she’d hear.

She places a single finger on his pretty head. It reacts immidiately. A stirring, a want like he never experienced before.

And with that, she knows he’s hers for the taking…

Bigging up: Ruffled Sheets

I have found a wonderful new blog, and I’d like to tell you more about it.

It’s called Ruffled Sheets

It’s run by Andy, a friend of Hey Epiphora’s leading lady Epiphora

There aren’t many posts there yet, but what is there is really good

Definitely worth checking out

And for those of you interested, his first HNT post looked like this

Click the link in the sidebar if he tickles your fancy or click this link: Ruffled Sheets