I am so incredibly proud of myself. I can’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling right now. This huge ball of wibbly wobbly stuff in my heart and my stomach, I think. Might be incredible indigestion. Might be incredible pride.
As of midnight tonight, Lady Laid Bare… my baby… turns one year old.
I don’t know quite why I’m making such a fuss about it. I don’t even know why I chose such a fucking cheesy title for this post.
It’s just that it seems to be the only thing I’ve managed to stick to in my life. I’ve given up on so much in the last few years. This was the one thing I didn’t want to give up on.
One year on. I remember bog-all about the day I made this account. I don’t even remember how I felt. Maybe thinking that this wasn’t going to work for long. I’ve neglected a lot of blogs in my day.
But amazing stuff happened. I met people, went places, did things I couldn’t even imagine doing the very minute I wrote my first post. I’m a better person for everything and everyone that happened.
However, I’ve been doing some self-reflection.
No worries. This isn’t the part where I fuck off to Fiji with my lover Jean Carlos and leave you all in the lurch.
I’ve told you about the changes I want to make. These are going to happen. I’m not going to back out anymore and I’m going to carry on with what I’m doing. And I’m gonna do a fuckload of wonderful stuff that you’ll be hearing all about.
But, with the help of a friend, I’ve come to a quite healthy revelation about myself. I put sex on a pedestal. Tend to glorify it and think it’s this mystical, magical thing. It fucking is not. It’s healthy. It’s a primal urge. It’s FUN.
So, I’m going to try and delve into a healthier attitude towards my own sexuality. Stop being jealous of people that are having sex. It’s going to be hard, but I’ll manage. I need to just have fun with my life and lighten up.
This is the year I put all the bad shit behind me. The year I start caring for myself and start realizing my ambitions. And they don’t necessarily involve having sex. Because really, it should be a natural thing. Maybe your mileage varies on this, but I’ve come to believe that it shouldn’t happen according to a plan. You shouldn’t set a date or do something special to lose your virginity. It’ll happen when it feels good. It’ll happen.
I’ll definitely write about whatever sexual adventures I get up to. But I want to write about other stuff too. Trips to London, moving, classes I’ll be taking, things I’ll be reading… yeah, things that happen in my life.
So, if you don’t fancy reading about that, I’m sorry. It’s my blog. It’s my life. (Fuck, that sounded harsh. But fair, I think).
There might be a bit of change in what fiction I write too. At the risk of making myself entirely unpopular with this, I have to say that I’m not that happy with erotica. Both as a genre and as a thing that I write. I want to go further into this thing I feel, but I think I might self-censor 99 % of what I really want to say.
I just don’t know if I’m writing the right stuff. When I look at what’s popular, it seems that there’s so much that I can’t see myself writing. From the popular to the downright taboo. I mean, I like writing in the style I write. And I fully know that I should keep that up. But sometimes I can’t help thinking that what I really want to do will never be well-received. If you look at what the standard is today, I mean… fuck.
I know a bunch of amazing authors. I know they’re trying their best to provide us with quality. And I appreciate that muchly. Because the stuff out there is mostly complete balls.
I know there are people that read these things. And I appreciate the people who take the time to write them. But I keep thinking if this can’t be done better. I see things like May/December romances, which is a subject that isn’t often handled, handled so well by writers like my friend Lady Grin Soul. Why isn’t this the standard?
I know that I want to do my bit to change that. But I don’t know if I have the energy left for it. I want to write other stuff too. I’ve been writing nothing but erotica and romance for a year now. Fuck, listen to me complaining. I just need to reload on this and not think about stuff like how to write a good rimming scene (Yes, I want redemption for “Red”!). I need to not have my entire head space revolve around writing proper erotica.
So, I’m doing research for the crush thing. I’m trying to edit what I have left and send it off. And I’m trying to outline my novel.
And I’m managing pretty damn well.
So, on to less grumpy stuff. Thank you’s.
I’d like to take some time to thank everyone that came into my life and everyone that made LLB a thing I enjoy working on. Thanks to all my lovely readers and commenters.
Thanks to everyone at Erotic Meet, for getting my ass in gear and giving me an extended family one could only dream of. You’re all so deliciously deviant that I relish in having you in my life and thank the stars every day for deciding to attend my first meet. Thank you.
Thanks to every lovely friend I have. You know who you are and you know why I love you to bits.
And thanks to mum for not disowning me for being a sexual libertine. May she never learn enough English to read what I write. I fear that might actually kill her. Or amuse her to no end.
So, here’s to one year of Lady Laid Bare, changes and good things to come and to my spirit animal. You know who you are.
If you have any wishes of prosperity for the next year my blogging career, wish to comment on my grief with erotica or anything ever, do leave a note below. I’d looooove to hear from you!