Three Years Later…

On this date, three years ago, I wrote my very first post in this blog. Three years… three bloody years. To be honest, I thought this blog wasn’t going to last beyond three or four weeks. I’ve got the attention span of a goldfish when it comes to things like this, so I figured it wouldn’t take long before I’d be doing something else.

Yeah, whoops, no dice.

I’m still here. And not only am I still here, I am still absolutely loving this blogging lark. Mainly because it’s broken my world wide open. I was incredibly sheltered, having spent six years at a boarding school and three years after that at home,combating severe mental health problems (which aren’t really over and done with, but I’m coping.)

Not to mention the years before that. My world mainly revolved around escaping from being bullied and escaping from the never-ending arguments between my parents. My preferred escape was always words, whether written in books or spoken in films. I wrote them as well, in a million notebooks and a million Word files.

When I started blogging, it was like opening my eyes to a world beyond my own for the first time. I used my words to wake up and blossom. I still am, three years later, in a new city, in a new country and a new life. And you know what? Sometimes, it’s bloody scary.

But the rest of the time, it’s really freaking cool.

Like, I’m learning about things I never even knew existed. Not just by talking about sex and sexuality, but all the things surrounding that. Gender, censorship, porn culture, relationships, using the written word to fight the good fight, writing erotic fiction and doing it my way.

I’ve always been good at finding the exciting in the mundane. I’m always doing it with the power of words.

And guess what?

I ain’t quitting now.

So, knock knock, motherfuckers, and welcome to year four of Lady Laid Bare. It’s going to be sweet as balls.

God, I’m sorry if all that sounded a bit up myself and pretentious. I really just wanted to say thank you to all of you for reading this blog, or having read this blog, or if you’re planning to read this blog in the future. My door is always open.

And thank you to the lovely ones. You know who you are, and you’re all getting a big hug from me the next time I see you all.

A celebratory gif to end things with? Don’t mind if I do.


A Hundred Thousand Smiley Faces


This morning, I woke up with a strange nag in my head.

“Check your stats.” it said. “Check them now.”

I fumbled with my phone (avec handy WordPress app) and checked them. Somehow, I had already managed 101 viewers today. It was nearly 9 in the morning, and it hit me.

I must have done it tonight.

And, a few moments after logging on to the computer and checking the feed, I realized I had.

100 000 viewers. On this website. A day short of my 18 month blogiversary. I did it.

A hundred thousand smiley faces. A hundred thousand people reading my words.

I feel so small. Humbled. Freed.

18 months ago, I started writing this blog with no intentions. A lot has happened since February 15th 2011 (yes, I do keep tabs on the date).

I made the most amazing friends in the world. I stretched my limits to beyond the horizon. I became an author, poet, guest blogger and, as of yesterday, sexpert for Singles Warehouse XXX.

My god, mein Gott.

Thank you. All of you. Even if you`ve never left a comment (and by all means, do!) or only visited once and clicked away instantly… Thank you! I love you all!

Stay with me, lovers. To the edges of time and space.




Thank You For The Music

I am so incredibly proud of myself. I can’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling right now. This huge ball of wibbly wobbly stuff in my heart and my stomach, I think. Might be incredible indigestion. Might be incredible pride.

As of midnight tonight, Lady Laid Bare… my baby… turns one year old.

I don’t know quite why I’m making such a fuss about it. I don’t even know why I chose such a fucking cheesy title for this post.

It’s just that it seems to be the only thing I’ve managed to stick to in my life. I’ve given up on so much in the last few years. This was the one thing I didn’t want to give up on.

One year on. I remember bog-all about the day I made this account. I don’t even remember how I felt. Maybe thinking that this wasn’t going to work for long. I’ve neglected a lot of blogs in my day.

But amazing stuff happened. I met people, went places, did things I couldn’t even imagine doing the very minute I wrote my first post. I’m a better person for everything and everyone that happened.

However, I’ve been doing some self-reflection.

No worries. This isn’t the part where I fuck off to Fiji with my lover Jean Carlos and leave you all in the lurch.

I’ve told you about the changes I want to make. These are going to happen. I’m not going to back out anymore and I’m going to carry on with what I’m doing. And I’m gonna do a fuckload of wonderful stuff that you’ll be hearing all about.

But, with the help of a friend, I’ve come to a quite healthy revelation about myself. I put sex on a pedestal. Tend to glorify it and think it’s this mystical, magical thing. It fucking is not. It’s healthy. It’s a primal urge. It’s FUN.

So, I’m going to try and delve into a healthier attitude towards my own sexuality. Stop being jealous of people that are having sex. It’s going to be hard, but I’ll manage. I need to just have fun with my life and lighten up.

This is the year I put all the bad shit behind me. The year I start caring for myself and start realizing my ambitions. And they don’t necessarily involve having sex. Because really, it should be a natural thing. Maybe your mileage varies on this, but I’ve come to believe that it shouldn’t happen according to a plan. You shouldn’t set a date or do something special to lose your virginity. It’ll happen when it feels good. It’ll happen.

I’ll definitely write about whatever sexual adventures I get up to. But I want to write about other stuff too. Trips to London, moving, classes I’ll be taking, things I’ll be reading… yeah, things that happen in my life.

So, if you don’t fancy reading about that, I’m sorry. It’s my blog. It’s my life. (Fuck, that sounded harsh. But fair, I think).

There might be a bit of change in what fiction I write too. At the risk of making myself entirely unpopular with this, I have to say that I’m not that happy with erotica. Both as a genre and as a thing that I write. I want to go further into this thing I feel, but I think I might self-censor 99 % of what I really want to say.

I just don’t know if I’m writing the right stuff. When I look at what’s popular, it seems that there’s so much that I can’t see myself writing. From the popular to the downright taboo. I mean, I like writing in the style I write. And I fully know that I should keep that up. But sometimes I can’t help thinking that what I really want to do will never be well-received. If you look at what the standard is today, I mean… fuck.

I know a bunch of amazing authors. I know they’re trying their best to provide us with quality. And I appreciate that muchly. Because the stuff out there is mostly complete balls.

I know there are people that read these things. And I appreciate the people who take the time to write them. But I keep thinking if this can’t be done better. I see things like May/December romances, which is a subject that isn’t often handled, handled so well by writers like my friend Lady Grin Soul. Why isn’t this the standard?

I know that I want to do my bit to change that. But I don’t know if I have the energy left for it. I want to write other stuff too. I’ve been writing nothing but erotica and romance for a year now. Fuck, listen to me complaining. I just need to reload on this and not think about stuff like how to write a good rimming scene (Yes, I want redemption for “Red”!). I need to not have my entire head space revolve around writing proper erotica.

So, I’m doing research for the crush thing. I’m trying to edit what I have left and send it off. And I’m trying to outline my novel.

And I’m managing pretty damn well.

So, on to less grumpy stuff. Thank you’s.

I’d like to take some time to thank everyone that came into my life and everyone that made LLB a thing I enjoy working on. Thanks to all my lovely readers and commenters.

Thanks to everyone at Erotic Meet, for getting my ass in gear and giving me an extended family one could only dream of. You’re all so deliciously deviant that I relish in having you in my life and thank the stars every day for deciding to attend my first meet. Thank you.

Thanks to every lovely friend I have. You know who you are and you know why I love you to bits.

And thanks to mum for not disowning me for being a sexual libertine. May she never learn enough English to read what I write. I fear that might actually kill her. Or amuse her to no end.

So, here’s to one year of Lady Laid Bare, changes and good things to come and to my spirit animal. You know who you are.


If you have any wishes of prosperity for the next year my blogging career, wish to comment on my grief with erotica or anything ever, do leave a note below. I’d looooove to hear from you!


6 months

In the last six months I have

  • Started a sex blog
  • Met loads of interesting people
  • Made glorious new friends
  • Wept over the nice comments I got
  • Stayed up long nights working on this site
  • Wept over the patron saint of my geek-dom

No, not K9…


In the next 6 months, I will

  • Continue to write on Reed and James’s story, “Red”
  • Try my best to lose more weight
  • Lose my virginity, twice as it seems…
  • and of course, blog my arse off and tell you more cheeky stories

Happy birthday Lady Laid Bare. Happy birthday Barenaked Lady. And to the next 6 months of insanity!


Looking back

Once in a while, I look back on the events that started this blog. As you may remember, a week before I started this blog, my life went horribly wrong. I was fired from my internship and had to quit school because of it. Sometimes I wonder… if I hadn’t quit school, what would have become of me?

Would I realise I’m happier doing something different? Would I choose to study at nursing school? Would this blog even exsist at all? Would I have discovered anal penetration, sapiosexuality, and anything related to FetLife? Would I know all these lovely people I met the last few months? Would E be in my life? And most of all: would I have had my life changing gastric bypass operation?

The answer, I think, would be “no”.

Looking back, I don’t for once doubt my decision. I’ve had my ups and downs in the past few months, but I came out stronger, better, and most of all: 20 fucking kilos lighter!

So, this is my way of saying: Happy Birthday Lady Laid Bare. Happy Birthday Barenaked Lady. Five months running and you look better every day.

Today is my five month blogiversary. As a present from me to you, have a naked lady. (Her name is Femke and she comes to us from

and a Joe Manganiello for good measure.