Woman of Leisure, Woman of Pleasure

So, I was thinking. It’s been a while since I indulged you in a tale from the bedroom, right? Well, that’s because I’ve been living like an unusually chaste nun for the entire duration of my holiday. But I’m home. And coincidentally, I, as recently as this afternoon, experienced something quite lovely. In the bedroom.

You all know where this is leading, right?

Right. On y’ vache.

I woke up unusually early this morning. Like, 9 am early. I was convinced that someone was calling for me, so you can imagine the dissapointment when, upon arriving downstairs, no-one was in immediate need of my company. Bollocks.

I know this all sounds quite boring. But stay with me here. It gets good.

As the cleaning lady and mum worked on mum’s room upstairs, I (as is my wont) started fumbling with my right nipple. Sometimes, just for giggles, I try to get myself to have a nipple-gasm. It never really works.

Apart from today.

The pure ecstasy from just… touching and teasing my nipple was just brilliant. I felt that familiar electric buzz shoot through my cunt, through my belly and right through to my breasts. It was perfect arousal.

And it also warrented my first ever attempt at a dangerwank.

A dangerwank, for those of you that do not know of this delight, is a sneaky wank when you are at risk of getting caught or being strapped for time. Since the cleaning lady and mum were upstairs, I figured I could risk it.

I slid my hand down my pants and carefully started frigging myself. However, the least bit of noise in the general vicinity of the stairs made me leap up and retreat. I realized soon enough that, just this once, it wasn’t worth risking.

Horny, and deciding to make the best of it, I delved into my already crinkly copy of “Yes Man” by Danny Wallace (which I managed to finish a few hours later). Unfortunately, I am still suffering from post-holiday-theft-frenzy-fatigue and it hit me this afternoon. I decided to have a lie-down.

A very sexy lie-down involving my lovely pink g-spot vibrator…

I soon decided that, seeing as no-one could hear me, I could go all out and have a very leisurely wank, naked and wet and open wide. Well, not exactly naked. The tank top was kept on.

In the process of rubbing my g-spot raw, I noticed something pretty amazing. I can now actually see my pussy whilst lying down! Wehey! That meant I got full and glorious view of my swollen clit for the first time, without using a mirror! Success!

It was a good day for squirting, by the way. Fingers made way for the nubby curve on the vibrator, which I pressed in hard. And… well, yeah. I really, really, really wish some prick hadn’t stolen my camera. The sight was…. truly epic. It was weird to keep going like this. After… what, four or five major gushes, I was pretty exausted. I still managed a pretty epic orgasm though. One that left me completely and utterly paralyzed for a good few minutes.

My clit wanted more, because of course. But after a few cautious frigs, I realized that my body was rebelling. I got dressed, studied the wet spot (and did a little “WHOAAAAAH”) and crawled under the covers for a nap.

As I said, I later finished “Yes Man”. With still-wet thighs.

Did I mention I kinda missed this wanking thing? It makes me excited to try out the new rabbit vibrator I won. If only I could still find it!

I shall close on this chapter of the bedroom tales with a note. Every delegate at Eroticon was given a 50 pound Lovehoney voucher, and I used mine last night. As of next week, I will be the proud owner of a FunFactory Bootie (My First Buttplug™) and a shiny Lelo Ella….

Full Bush

I’m still knee deep in The 52 Seductions by Betty Herbert. It’s given me a lot of inspiration for topics for this blog, and I’m very thankful that Betty wrote this book.

But that’s not the jest of this post.

This post stems from a very slow realization that came during a certain paragraph in the book about waxing.

As I read of Betty’s mild horror at the notion of being arse in the air, spreading her own bum cheeks so the waxing lady can wax her anus, it started to dawn on me.

I should explain that in a few weeks, I will have the immense honor of participating in the Great Wall of Vagina project. For this, I will have my bits cast in plaster so that they can become a work of art (which they already are).

When I saw the call on the Erotic Meet website, I initially doubted that I’d want to take part. But I signed myself up. Completely forgetting that, in order to have my fanny cast, I would first have to…

Get myself waxed.

Which I have never done before.

And as the sheer horror of it crept up on me, I let out a squeak.

Were it not for me participating in such a wonderful project, I wouldn’t have dreamt of waxing my fanny. In fact, I’m quite fond of my hairy muff!

Only once have I deemed it necessary to shave it. And I didn’t even decide it then. It was for the perfectly legit reason of my operation. Otherwise, my muff has stayed hairy ever since I caught sight of my first pubic hair in 1999 (yes, I still remember the year, what of it) and thought it was a speck of dirt.

My mum tends to love to remind me of that fact. She watches as my face contorts in horror, as I relieve the perfectly intact memory of the moment. Lying in the bath, still able to look at my mound… the hair. The hair!

Sorry, that got a tad dramatic.

Truth is that I’m fond  of how I look down there. Granted, I could use trimming. But I’ve never really got round to it. Am I just afraid of the pain, I wonder?

Science tells us that body hair is a part of the mystery of attraction. Something about the scent in your pubic area that attracts a mate. I like that idea.

And as much as I am willing to go bald for the cause, I’ll be glad when my full bush gets reinstated.

Not my bush, but a lovely one nonetheless 🙂

The Wank Routine

I have to confess something that most readers might know already. My wanking habits are very much planned. I know the things I need to do to get a satisfying orgasm.

This mostly happens late at night. Maybe even early in the morning. I will take my vibrator and rub my clit with it. When sufficiently wet, I will insert the vibrator, thrust it a couple of times in a vain attempt to stimulate my g-spot and then I will leave it there, whilst frigging my clit.

Orgasm happens.

And that’s exactly what happens. It just is. Nothing special.

It’s when I break the routine that the good stuff happens.

Not just happens.

Explodes. Rips through me. Hits me not just in my cunt, but everywhere.

Camming makes that happen. The Poet’s words make that happen. Fantasizing about a threeway with Jack and Jill (my friends, not the fictional characters) will effectively make that happen many times over. The right kind of porn, with the right people makes that happen.

God, there have been times where just a single word would make me so fucking wet. And no, unfortunately that word is not Schadenfreude (although if you want to make my mind orgasm, repeat that on a loop and you’ll have instant effect).

Words can be powerful. “Let me see your pussy” got me soaking.

And do you know what? There is no compliment that speaks to my budding sluthood more than “I want to be your Sasha Grey vibrator”. (Which was said by Jack.)

So rest assured that if I choose to get myself off tonight, I will be repeating just those words in my head on a loop.

And it will be fucking awesome. Fuck the routine.

Lazy Wanker

I seem to have forgotten most details about last night’s wanking session. So, bear with me, as I recount the things I do know.

I remember lazily admitting to the need I had that day. Softly petting my clit. Trying to see if petting other areas made any difference.

I remembered something Tristan Taormino said in her book about the vaginal entrance, and stimulating it. Well, I tried. And I can’t really speak for other people, but I’d like to say this on behalf of my vagina: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, THAT’S AWESOME.

Seriously, it was quite intense, and I never realised it was so sensitive to stimulation, although I had read about it. I was quite scared to lose the feeling by shifting or doing anything else. I let go eventually, and got back to business with my clit.

It’s not a good thing that I don’t remember much of the eventual orgasm, is it? Maybe it’s because I felt quite dazed afterwards. It was quite intense, and instead of going in for round two, I just lay there, lifeless.

I just went back to watching television afterwards. Sated and happy.

Now, I’m mainly preparing everything for my holiday in London. Friday is Erotic Meet Day. And do you know what? Erotic Meet has been mentioned on Time Out London’s blog! Which is, quite frankly, awesome.

The story I have been working on has been submitted to the publisher. And now, I wait, work on other things, and prepare NaNoWriMo. Although I have no clue how much more I can prepare.

If you like reading this blog and my stories, please don’t hesitate to send some good vibes my way in regards to this story.

To close, I had a very squeeworthy porngeek moment today. I left a comment on Courtney Trouble’s site and she replied! Yay!

Adios, my dearies. By the way, if you particularily enjoyed your special viewing of my ladygarden (© Catherine, thank you for that), why not tell me if you want to see more? I might just oblige….

Fisting Is Awesome

So, fisting then. Where do I start?

Quite possibly by going deeper into the frolics of the night I mentioned in my last post. After my photo session, I knew I desperately needed to get off. So, with International Fisting Day in mind….

I went for it. I saw a little film on Queer Porn Tube a few hours before, of a girl that could fist herself. Luckily, I remembered how she did it.

So, I lubed up. And I inserted my index finger. Then, my middle finger. Ring finger next. Pinky. And last in was the thumb. And then I just fucked the shit out of my hand.

I don’t know if it was properly fisting, but it seemed to be a good start! I didn’t last long, mind. But it was hot! I had a giggle at my sticky hand afterwards. Lube and pussy juice. Great combo.

So, what I’m trying to say is that fisting is really cool. You should try it for yourself. Jiz Lee thinks so. Courtney Trouble thinks so. And they are awesome. And even more awesome together, since they are the creators of my new favorite holiday.

National Fisting Day (I should take a day off in its honor)

Which is today! So, if you want to help Courtney and Jiz get their message (the message being Fisting Is Awesome) across, don’t hesitate to join in! The official Fisting Day Tumblr is here. Join in with the fun! Post a blog on your experience with it, like I just did. Tweet about it! (hashtag #fisting), Facebook about it, share posts, Tumblr your arse off, anything helps.

So, there you go. Fisting is cool.

Pictures and Movies

So, consider this the post-wanking post.

Last night was a definite night of firsts. After the pictures I took of my wet cunt, I felt quite daring. So, I took the camera upstairs.

I lay on the bed, pants off and that, and spread open for my camera. Every time I took a picture, I marvelled at the result. Some were good, some were horrible, but the end result was amazing.

I then felt very daring.

So daring, that I switched the camera to recording mode and took two short films of myself, frigging! Amazing!

I decided I wanted to see my pussy better, so I picked up my compact mirror and… studied myself, if you will. Again, amazing.

My inner lips are tiny! They’re almost non-existant. My clit is pretty. And it’s so gorgeous when wet! I saw cum trickling out of my pussy, which was amazing. It was this white fluid, that just leaked down on to my pillow.

The last picture I took was one of the huge wet stain on the poor, unassuming pillow.

I did engage in somethime else which was quite exciting, but that’s something for another post. A special post, for International Fisting Day.

Yeah, I done gone and fisted myself. What of it?

Anyway, for those of you wanting to see my lovely pussy… tough ‘nanas.

However…. I may post one or two pics as a Sinful Sunday entry…. But only if you want to see them?

Watch this space.

Get Wet

Consider this a pre-wanking post.

I’ve been watching Queer Porn TV clips all night. It’s been a fucking amazing experience, from the sublime to the sublime. Now, I have this habit when I’m watching porn, where I sorta slip a finger down my pants and my underpants, and see how wet I am.

The answer would be ridiculously so.

I am SO wet, that it spurred me on to do something very, very naughty.

I took a pic of my wet cunt!

Crimeny, it blows my mind! A few hours ago, I was discussing this with Curvaceous Dee, in the comments for my labia torture post, and she told me she was surprised I have only once seen my pussy.

Well, I’ve seen some of it now. And I plan on seeing a whole lot more. You guys are evil and are corrupting me to do things I never thought I’d do eight months ago (I missed my blogiversary AGAIN, by the way). And I love you all for it. Seriously, where would I be without this blog and you guys?

By the way, I now keep touching my labia to see if I’m wet. Current status: drenched.

Ok, where was I? Ah yes, you guys inspire me to do things! Seriously, if I hadn’t done this back when I did it, who knows what would have happened to me?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to watch more good porn. And get wetter. And possibly watch My Kitchen Rules.

Here’s a video.

 
http://queerporn.tv/qtube/player/embed_player.php?vid=174&width=300&height=250&autoplay=

Pain/Pleasure

Last night, I was without dvds again, so I delved into my Flying Circus box and picked out series 2, for some Silly Walking fun times. Unfortunately, my fantasies wanted a piece of the action.

“Talk dirty to me, Jase.”

“Dirty? Ok, bin liner, trash can, trash collection Mondays,…”

“You fucker, you know what I mean!”

“Alright. Fuck, you look gorgeous. I’m gonna make you so very, very wet…”

That’s how my imagination works. It just reverts to Elin/Jase sexing. And why shouldn’t it? I’m very proud of those characters, and they have a shit-hot sex life, so, why not?

So, I just started to rub myself. It was quite brilliant at first. But I knew I needed something more. I had no idea what though. Until I remembered Curvaceous Dee’s post about AA Milne and labia torture. I knew what I had to do (but it did not involve AA Milne, mind).

I started pinching my labia, whilst rubbing myself. And I never expected what happened next. I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter, flooding almost. I had a cheeky laugh to myself. Me, the most squeamish person in the world, reacting to labia torture like THIS?

In the end, it was one of the most rewarding wanks I had in a while. I came for what seemed like an hour, but was quite possibly only two minutes.

After which, I went about my merry business, laughing at the ineptness of The Spanish Inquisition.

The mix of pain and pleasure was surprisingly satisfactory. Not that I would let a potential partner do it, but it was good.

Really good.

Urgence

It was late again yesterday. It wasn’t supposed to be late, seeing as I was effectively in my bed at midnight sharp, but I got quite sidetracked.

By erotica.

I had bought quite a few anthologies in my last two trips to Waterstones, and deemed it time to have a read. My first book got off to a good start (I shall not mention names for fear of insulting someone), but then had one of the most abysmal M/F/M stories in the history of everything ever and it completely ruined my night. Seriously, I now know about five new ways to say “penis”.

The rest of the stories were much, much better. And then I read another book. I shall mention this one: Smooth: Erotica for Women, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussell. The first story takes place in a sauna and, dear me, it got me quite hot.

I put the book away, and continued my business of watching Road to Avonlea, but I could feel an urge. My hand slid down my shorts and I started petting myself, enjoying how my slick pussy felt and treasuring the warmth.

But then, I got the overwhelming (and I do mean overwhelming) urge to fill myself up with my trusty Pin vibe, so I nearly knocked over my fan, stomping towards the light switch and searching for it.

The rest is a blur. The only things I can remember is me thrusting the Pin inside me, it feeling obscenely good, and rubbing my clit till it was nearly raw.

I balanced on the edge for so long, I nearly gave up. My fantasy (an urgent fuck with Jason) luckily didn’t fail on me, and I came. In fact, I came so hard, that afterwards, I just lay there. Limp, laughing, pretending Jason was lying next to me (I’m a saddie, I know.)

So, that was my urgent wank. After which, I continued watching Road to Avonlea. Great fun. I fell asleep soon after, but I couldn’t help replaying that last story in my mind. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll write a sauna story soon.

Mmm…. steamy.

Malice

I had a brief, illicit encounter with myself last night.

It started when we went shopping (bought The Ethical Slut, amongst other things at Waterstones). Whilst my mum went to look for something she had seen in a catalogue, I went to the nearby cd store. I had a very clear idea of what I wanted.

Criminal Minds series 1. Shemar Moore and Matthew Gray Gubler.

So, I browsed a bit, and eventually landed in the wrong section. If you can call it a section. The fifteen or so dvds that made up the adult entertainment section were all a bit pissy. Except for one.

Malice in Lalaland.

I grabbed that thing and held on to it like Gollum holding on to the Ring. Except that My Precious was a porn movie.

Last night, I dimmed the lights and crawled under my duvet to watch Sasha Grey being her sexy self. Also, Keni Stylez is the Cheshire Cat. As a man. Who wears a cat head mask thing. I can’t think straight talking about this movie.

Beautifully filmed, almost cinematic, with music that I never expected to turn me on, but fuck me, it did.

The bass.

The pounding drums.

I creamed myself at the sensory overload this movie created for me. So, I managed something which has become a rarity in my life. I fingered my way to an orgasm, sans vibrator.

Now, finger-induced orgasms have been more common in the last few weeks. They usually occur after a vibe/finger wank. And goooooood they feel good.

But yesterday, I wasn’t intent on getting the Rock Chic (I take back everything I said about you, darling, because you are fabulous, never die on me, kthxbai) out. I was aiming for full finger fucking, which happened and oh my god, did it happen.

I don’t remember much of what happened during, because I was in this weird private universe where only me and the movie existed. The eventual orgasm was a fucking sharp one that had my teeth on edge.

The funniest thing about the whole affair was that my nipples, I kid you not, have never been harder before than at the moment after my orgasm. I giggled, playing around with them, imagining a very sexy man, quite possibly nicknamed Jay, watching me and being highly amused.

Or was that Saturday night? Fuck, I can’t remember.

Malice made me come. And she made me come good.

(PS: I watched Criminal Minds after that and it was gooooood. SheMubler forever!)